To know if you’re a simp, you first need to know what one is, so let’s define it. First, a simp is not a compliment and is considered rather cringeworthy behavior. Are you one? Have you ever been one? If not, you may know or have known a few simps.
What Is a Simp?
When you like a person, it’s natural—even exciting—to work to get their attention, hoping they’ll like you back. But, unfortunately, your actions can cross the line, especially when what started as a harmless love interest turns into obsessive behavior.
For example, you may pine for someone who has:
- Never shown interest in the past
- Never indicated they’ll ever be interested in the future
- Doesn’t show any interest now
Simp behavior is especially harsh when the person shows no interest, and their coldness only motivates you to express your love with more over-the-top gestures.
According to the definition, the term simp refers to someone who goes way above and beyond to get someone else’s attention.
It’s often referred to as a male becoming enamored with a woman who shows no interest in him to the point where he’ll do almost anything to get her attention.
However, it’s important to note that this behavior isn’t reserved for male-female heterosexual relationships. This dynamic can happen in all sorts of relationships, including a woman who behaves this way.
A simp exhibits groveling, cringing, or degrading behavior and does certain acts they wouldn’t typically do, or that compromise their self-worth and make them look ridiculous.
Signs of Being a Simp
Social media has treated the term playfully, but for people who’ve had a major crush, you may have wondered when the adoration begins to cross the line and become unhealthy. Here are 10 signs you’re behaving like a simp.
1). Chasing Someone Who Clearly Is Not Interested in You
Where’s your pride and dignity? If someone doesn’t want to be with you and you spend endless attempts (and money) to get them to hang out with you, you are wasting your time.
In this case, you may be trying to get them to feel sorry for you so you can get what you want. Do you see how pathetic this sounds? For someone to like you, they have to pity you? You need to ask yourself if it’s worth having a relationship like this.
2). You Put Yourself Last
Of course, there are some situations in life where it’s good to think of others and put their needs first, but if you do it consistently, you should ask yourself why.
It demonstrates a lack of self-worth. Instead, you should focus on building up your self-esteem and spend a little less effort trying to date someone who is not interested in being with you.
Focusing on everyone else’s needs instead of your own means there’s something inside of you that doesn’t feel worthy. If you work on that, you will attract the person that is meant to be with you rather than being with you because they feel bad.
3). You Feel the Need to Always Impress
You’re never in chill mode around people because you always try to make yourself look good. But, unfortunately, you do it in a manner that attracts pity, and to be honest, it’s pathetic.
A big simping sign is constantly trying to impress people. This means you’re casting your net far and wide, hoping to catch some bait.
And it’s a shame because who you portray yourself to be in these instances is not necessarily who you are. But again, working on your self-esteem can help avoid these simping behaviors.
4). You’re a Doormat and Allow People to Walk All over You
Are you the type of person that allows people you’re trying to attract to walk all over you? They speak to you recklessly, and you allow it. They don’t care about hurting your feelings because, as previously stated, they have no interest in you as a person!
They will be sweet and loveable when they want something from you (ex, a ride somewhere, money, a gift), and unfortunately, you’ll fall for it again. You don’t even care when you find out they’re laughing behind your back because all you wanted was their attention, and you got it.
But you allow it anyway because you are simping and want them to like you so badly. To that, I say, where is your pride? Allowing someone to walk all over you will not build the healthy, strong relationship you’re searching for. It will build the opposite, but that’s not what you want.
5). Your Dating History Stinks
A sucky dating history may not be all your fault, but let’s look at your behavior patterns anyway.
Are you constantly falling into the same trap? Are you doing everything for someone only to be discarded or left behind? Do you impress the crap out of someone, they get what they want, and then move on?
These are all signs that you’re simping, and it ain’t good! Sometimes, you can’t help having a poor dating history, but you can help what you do from this point forward.
Focus on being yourself because being strong and confident will attract the right one. Do you see the pattern of hope here?
6). Your Only Goal in Life Is to Make Her Love You
You gear all your actions toward getting her interest and–dare I say–even love you. That’s all you’ve ever wanted from her. It’s all you think about whenever she’s around and even when she’s not around.
But really, bro, is she worth all this? Think about it; she’s only a regular person like everyone else, so why are you keeping her on a pedestal when she doesn’t deserve to be there? Save that for the woman who genuinely loves and cares for you.
7). You’re Considered Submissive to Women
Do you feel like you’re being generally submissive around women? We’re not suggesting you throw your testosterone around and start banging on your chest shouting, “Me Kong!” but you also don’t have to give in to all of her whims, especially if you feel they’re inconveniencing you.
For example, she asks you to do something, but you don’t have time, and doing so would inconvenience you. But, of course, you cave in because you’re putting her needs first once again. But again, this all comes down to confidence, which you lack.
8). You Constantly Defend and Admire Women Even if They’re Wrong
Usually, this is alright, but unfortunately, you’re not doing it for the right reasons. For example, admiring women is good, but you should do it because she is someone you love, and you know she loves you back.
Regarding defending women, it’s an absolute plus! However, only do it when necessary. In other words, defend a woman if you genuinely feel the need to do so. Don’t do it because you’re attempting to impress someone to get them into bed because that’s just plain tasteless.
9). She Doesn’t Do (Or Need to Do) Anything to Earn Your Love
She doesn’t have to lift a finger to impress you because you do every freakin’ thing for her. For example, you cook, clean, and do the laundry and still do everything for her without hesitation.
On the other hand, she does nothing to reciprocate because she doesn’t care. Unfortunately, your self-esteem is so low you can’t see it.
They don’t have to give because you’ve “trained” them that way. Remember, people only treat you the way you allow them to.
10). You’re Overly Polite and Agreeable
Once again, there shouldn’t be an issue here. The problem only comes in when your intent is wrong. If you’re being polite and agreeable to get something (ex, trying to get someone to like you or trying to get them to sleep with you), you’re doing it for a self-absorbed reason, and it’s not genuine.
How Do You Not Be a Simp?
After reading through these points and you think you might be a simp, we have plenty of work to do.
The good news is you no longer have to sink into bad relationships. Instead, by altering some of your behaviors and bad habits, you can grab your lifeboat and row yourself off Simp Island toward a much better outlook. So, here are a few tips to help build up your self-esteem.
- Stop being her gopher: Don’t be her errand boy and do everything she wants. Stop dropping everything for her. She’s not a baby and can handle life by herself.
- Figure out why you simp: What makes you act this way? You have the signs of whether or not you’re doing it, but what pushes you to do it?
- Stop trying too hard: Simps want to impress everybody, especially the object of their affection, so they’ll do whatever it takes. Take a deep breath and relax. You don’t need to fight for the affection of someone who isn’t into you. It only appears desperate. Let it go.
- Stop craving her validation: You never need anyone else’s validation, so stop trying to get hers. Either she enjoys being with you, or she doesn’t. It’s that simple.
- Figure out which behaviors you want to cut out: Sit down and write out those bad behaviors you want to stop. Then, go cold turkey and stop doing them. Of course, you may revert to them every once in a while, and that’s OK. Just take another crack at it until you’ve gotten rid of those behaviors for good.
- Raise standards for yourself: You’re used to acting in a simp-ish manner, so what would happen if you raised your standards and stopped accepting your bad behavior? For starters, you’d boost your self-esteem, and that’s an excellent place to begin.
- Look toward self-improvement: Waste no more time trying to get their attention. Instead, put your focus on improving yourself. For example, join a gym, return to school, or take a cooking class. Whatever you decide, put all your attention into it. And who knows, you may find someone worthy of your time while learning how to make homemade linguini with white wine clam sauce.
If you just realized that you have quite a few of these relationship tendencies, don’t beat yourself up about it. We’ve all been in a position of trying way too hard to impress someone.
So, stop worrying that you won’t find someone special because when you focus on yourself, that right person will be automatically drawn to you. However, if it’s taking too long for you, it can’t hurt to take steps to help it along.
When you think you’re ready and want to speed things along to find someone special, we recommend checking out Zoosk.
