Sometimes, we get into a relationship, and, for one reason or another, we become insecure. If you have a pattern of insecurity in relationships, you may feel tempted to blame it on your partner or a previous relationship.
Also, if you were raised in an environment that fostered insecurity, it might be challenging to build up confidence in your current relationship.
However, you can do it, beginning with taking responsibility for your actions. You, and only you, are the creator of your personal experiences. You are the master of your emotions, and with these tips, you will finally realize how to be more confident in your relationship.
1). Recognize Your Needs
When we feel our partners don’t meet our needs, it leaves us with a sense of uncertainty, like they don’t care.
However, even though they haven’t met your needs, asking for what you desire can be difficult, especially if you lack confidence in the relationship. But the first step is recognizing the problem. The next step is approaching your partner to discuss what you feel is missing.
3 Key Tips on How to Discuss Your Needs with Your Partner
Discussing your desires with your partner is essential if you feel unfulfilled in your relationship. Otherwise, how would they know?
Maybe your connection isn’t as powerful as it once was, and you feel neglected or emotionally abandoned. Feeling this way can be a shot to your confidence, so the best way to handle the situation is to talk to your partner TODAY. If you want to know how, here are a few tips.
Make Sure You Know What You Need
It’s hard to approach someone to discuss your needs if you have no idea what they are. But, sometimes, all it takes to figure it out is to have a conversation with yourself first. What’s missing from your life? What do you want? And how do you go about getting it?
Still, each situation is unique, so an individual in one relationship won’t necessarily meet their partner’s needs the same way another person would. Since no two people are the same, every method of achieving these needs varies. Therefore, knowing which behaviors will get that need met FOR YOU is essential.
You may want love and affection, but how specifically do you want your partner to give you that?
For example, if affection and touch are what you’re looking for, tell your partner you’d be satisfied with hand-holding or snuggling while watching a movie. On the other hand, a hot, passionate kiss would sometimes be nice. Again, be specific, and don’t be afraid to detail.
When you have the conversation, your energy will dictate whether or not it’s effective. In other words, do not detail what needs aren’t being met with a negative attitude. Instead, come to your partner calmly and directly and discuss everything you’re looking for. Be careful of your:
- Body language
- Words
- Energy
- Posture
- Facial expressions
Approach your mate with a loving spirit, believing that they love you and only want the best for you.
Understand What NOT to Do
It’s just as important to know what not to do as it is what to do. Three vital things to avoid are blame, criticism, and shame.
When you avoid these three things, your mate will end the conversation inspired to, at the very least, attempt to meet your needs with all their power.
As a result, you will end up arguing even more. When this happens, eventually, you’ll come to a point where you are no longer willing to continue the conversation. This leaves you back at square one and complaining that your partner doesn’t meet your needs.
The issue is people tend to assume the worst about their partner. They think they’re not meeting your needs on purpose, so why bother discussing it? They are the way they are.
But again, this is not necessarily true. Most times, when one or more needs aren’t met, your partner is utterly oblivious to the situation. They’re not being malicious. They simply don’t understand.
That said, when you assume they’re purposely ignoring you, you tend to withhold affection or give them the silent treatment. Sometimes you jump back down the rabbit hole, begin arguing again, and end up with the same tiresome result.
When you feel upset, recognize that it comes from a place of assumption and not from the facts. Then, take a second to challenge the assumption.
Something the exact opposite may be true. Maybe your partner really does love and has your best interests at heart. Maybe they’re not trying to hurt you intentionally. But, if we can assume the worst, isn’t it just as easy to believe the best?
Pick a Good Time
Walking through a crowded grocery store is not the best time to turn to your partner and say, “Honey, my needs aren’t being met. What are you going to do about it?”
Even if you’re fed up, and a negative thought arises while grocery shopping, hold it together until you can find the right time to discuss it. If you can, give your partner the option to let you know when it’s a good time.
Pull your partner aside and tell them you have something to discuss. You can even let them know what the discussion is concerning. But if you ask them if it’s a good time and they aren’t ready to talk, don’t be offended. They may be busy or have a lot on their mind.
However, if it’s something pressing you can’t hold in, wait until you are in the privacy of your vehicle. No one feels comfortable discussing private business in public places.
2). Know Your Worth
One of the first things you should do to build your confidence in a relationship (or any situation in general) is to understand how worthy you are. Practicing self-love helps you to enter into a relationship with high self-esteem, or if you’re already in a relationship, it enables you to gain self-esteem.
Unfortunately, you may have lost your true self in a previous relationship and carried that sentiment into your current one.
To get your self-worth back, do things for yourself. What activities make you happy? Try new things like joining a fitness club or a cooking class. The idea is to do something apart from your relationship so you can get your confidence back. Once you begin caring for yourself, you’ll have more to give the relationship.
3). Get Rid of Limiting Beliefs
Unfortunately, once we believe something, it becomes a part of our identity. For example, you think you’re not smart enough to return to school. Maybe someone told you this, or you’ve always had trouble in school. Whatever the source, you now believe it, so it’s a part of who you are.
Play the “what if” game. For example, say to yourself, what if I went back to school and got my degree? What if I went to the gym five days a week? Learn how to envision a better version of yourself without any limitations.
Another example is you believe that everyone cheats, so when you finally get into a relationship, you’re constantly worried that it won’t last.
You must identify and throw away these beliefs to move on and be in a healthy long-term relationship.
4). Let the past Go
Your past experiences help define who you are today. Unfortunately, this includes negative experiences. Your past is not your entire story, so stop relying on it to tell you who you are. It’s easy to say move on, but that’s exactly what needs to happen for you to be confident in your relationship.
We’ve all had partners that have let us down. It’s OK to learn from that experience, but it’s not OK to base every future relationship on those past disappointments.
The only way to become confident in your current relationship is to let go of the hurt from your past. When you do, you’ll witness the freedom and confidence of being your authentic self, and your partner will appreciate that.
5). Let Go of Expectations
When we enter a new relationship, we tend to have certain expectations that shape its direction.
For example, we expect our partners to act a certain way, and when they don’t, we become angry and disappointed. That’s because, according to what we expected, we assumed that’s how they would be. When we’re wrong, we make it their fault because they let us down.
Stop assuming and be grateful for all our partners bring to the table.
It might not be what we hoped for, but it’s still a good thing. When we practice appreciation, we become confident in the relationship because instead of expecting, we are happy with whatever our partners offer.
6). Show Up in the Relationship
You will never understand how to be confident in your relationship if you constantly think about the past or worry about the future.
So instead, be present and acknowledge where you are right now. We can’t do anything about our past, it’s done, and the future only lives in our imagination. So why not enjoy your present? You can’t control your relationship in the future, so enjoy it in the now.
7). Be Honest
You know what they say, the jealous person in the relationship is the one doing the dirt. So when you lie in your relationship, you become suspicious that your partner is doing the same. This causes jealous feelings in one or both of you.
For example, you’re on a diet, so you lie and tell your partner you had a salad for lunch because you’re too embarrassed to tell them you went to a fast food joint. But eventually, they find out the truth when they see the burger wrappers in the car.
You’re thinking, it’s not a big deal. But it is. They may feel if you can lie about the smaller things, like where you ate for dinner, what about the bigger situations?
Additionally, when it comes to your relationship, if you’ve had jealous tendencies in the past, be transparent and let them know. Your partner will make more of an effort to ease those emotions by letting you know where they’ll be before you find out elsewhere. Eventually, you will trust your partner and become more confident in the relationship.
8). Enjoy Yourself
Relationships require work, but they aren’t all work. To have an extraordinary relationship, be sure to have passion and intimacy. Being emotionally close to your partner only adds to it.
Learn to enjoy all of your shared experiences. Doing so will help you discover that you have someone you can always rely on, and that’s an excellent way to boost your confidence.
9). Make Yourself Your Main Priority
Yes, you are in a relationship and need to think about your partner. But you need to take care of yourself before supporting anyone else. To love yourself, you should be the best you can be. You know your strengths, so embrace them. However, you also recognize your weakness, so work on those.
Try doing daily exercise to help naturally help boost your mood. Even if it’s only a walk around the block, get outside and do some activity. Also, change your eating habits. Learn how to consume healthier foods for vitality and energy.
Practice mental wellness with activities like meditation, yoga, and stretching.
Do anything you enjoy, and ask your partner to join you if you feel like it. Studies show that couples who exercise together enjoy a longer, healthier life and become closer.
Key Takeaways
Our past experiences can make us insecure in future relationships. But all isn’t lost. If you take the correct steps, you can learn how to be physically, mentally, and emotionally at the top of your game. Your partner and friends will see it, but most importantly, you will feel it.
