Online dating can sometimes feel like you are just swiping through a never-ending number of dating profiles. Faces and bios will begin to blur together, and it feels futile and like a numbers game. No, you aren’t losing your vision or need to get reading glasses—it happens to almost everyone who’s been on a dating app for a bit. In fact, studies show that half of online daters feel that dreaded dating app burnout. It’s frustrating, and it can feel like love is a hopeless pursuit.
Navigating the online dating world is not an easy thing, and it’s easy (and very common) to get disheartened by boring conversations or ghosting! But keeping a positive and motivated mindset is really important if you want to find real romantic connections.
That’s why we are going to go over why it’s so vital to keep your game face on when online dating! We have strategies to keep your spirits up, and we’ll give you great tips for staying motivated throughout your personal online dating adventure. From setting realistic expectations to taking breaks when you need to, our methods can help you see online dating in a different—and better—way!
Setting Realistic Expectations
Despite what marketing pitches want you to believe, online dating isn’t a magic wand for instant and perfect connections; it’s a process that requires time and patience. A lot of people enter the online dating world with super high hopes, expecting to find their ideal match right away.
But the reality is that finding the right person often takes time and effort—sometimes a lot of both. It’s important to go at online dating with an open mind and a willingness to meet different people, and think about every interaction, whether it leads to a relationship or not, is a step forward in learning what you really want and need in a romantic partner!
Defining Success
Success in online dating is not a one-size-fits-all approach—when it comes to finding a long-term partner, the definition of success depends on the person. But you can adapt your definition of success to include any personal growth and positive experiences. Here are some ways you can redefine success:
- Learning About Yourself: Each date or convo gives you the opportunity to learn more about yourself. You could discover some new preferences, interests, or deal-breakers that you hadn’t thought about before.
- Meeting New People: Online dating is a great way to meet a ton of new people outside of your social circle—every new connection expands your social world and exposes you to different perspectives.
- Gaining Dating Experience: Every interaction adds to your dating experience. Whether it’s handling rejection like a champ or getting better at making small talk, these experiences translate to valuable IRL life skills.
Accepting Ups and Downs
The road to finding a compatible romantic partner is never a perfectly paved road with no potholes. It has its ups and downs, as with everything in life. The sooner you accept this reality, the better. Expecting a flawless experience will only lead to disappointment. Instead, accept that it will come with inevitable highs and lows—it’s natural, and everyone experiences both.
Cultivating a Positive Mindset
Online dating can be anything but easy—it’s filled with challenges, but don’t forget that it can be fun and exciting! To better navigate it successfully, it’s super important to keep a positive mindset. What does this mean? You need to focus on self-improvement, practicing gratitude, and using positive affirmations to stay upbeat and motivated.
Focus on Self-Improvement
Think of online dating as a wonderful opportunity to grow and improve yourself—here’s how to make the most of it:
- Enhancing Communication Skills: Dating gives you so many opportunities to sharpen your communication skills—having conversations with different people helps you learn how to listen actively and express yourself more clearly. Not only does this improve your dating game, but it also benefits your daily interactions. Think of each chat as a practice run for building stronger, better connections.
- Building Confidence: Every single date, whether it goes well or not, can be a confidence booster. When you think about what went right and what you can improve on, you build a stronger sense of self. Confidence is incredibly attractive and helps you approach dating with a more positive outlook. Try making a list of your strengths and achievements to remind yourself why you are such a good catch. As Natalie Peikoff, a psychotherapist, suggests, listing reasons why you’d make a great romantic partner can boost your self-esteem and remind you of your inherent worth.
Practice Gratitude
Gratitude can transform your entire dating perspective, helping you hone in on what’s good in your life rather than what you think is missing.
- Keeping a Gratitude Journal: Writing down things you’re grateful for each day can shift your mindset from negative to positive. This simple practice helps you recognize and appreciate the small joys and victories in your life. It can include anything from a pleasant conversation to a personal achievement. Over time, this habit can really boost your mood and overall outlook.
- Celebrating Small Wins: In the world of dating, it’s important to celebrate the little victories. Did you have a great talk with someone interesting? That’s a win! Did you learn something new about yourself through a date? Another win! Recognizing and celebrating these successes, no matter how small they may seem in the grand scheme of things, keeps you motivated and helps you see the progress you’re making, even if you haven’t found “the one” yet.
Positive Affirmations
Positive affirmations are a powerful tool for improving your self-esteem and keeping a hopeful outlook.
- Boosting Self-Esteem: Positive affirmations are like little pep talks you give yourself. It may sound cheesy, but starting your day with statements like, “I am worthy of love,” “I am confident and attractive,” and “I am open to new experiences” can do wonders. These affirmations help reinforce your self-worth and remind you of your strengths. Over time, they can actually help rewire your brain to focus more on the positive aspects of your life and personality.
- Improving Outlook: Using positive affirmations consistently can set a positive tone for your day. They help counteract negative thoughts and maintain a hopeful attitude. When you regularly affirm your value and potential, it’s much easier to stay motivated and resilient, even when dating doesn’t go as planned.
Staying Motivated
Traversing the online dating scene will sometimes feel like an uphill battle, almost like you are Sisyphus rolling that boulder up a mountain again and again with no tangible results. To keep your spirits up and stay motivated, it’s important to approach it with a solid strategy! Here’s how you can set achievable goals, create a dating schedule, and mix things up to keep things fresh and fun.
Set Achievable Goals
Breaking down the dating process into manageable, compartmentalized steps will help you stay focused and motivated.
- Sending a Certain Number of Messages Per Week: Instead of overwhelming yourself by trying to connect with everyone you march with, set a goal to send a specific number of personal messages each week. This makes the task feel way more manageable and gives you a sense of accomplishment as you hit your targets.
- Trying a New App Feature: Most dating apps have novel features that are designed to improve your experience. Whether it’s a new AI (artificial intelligence) matching algorithm, virtual dating events, or pre-written icebreaker questions, exploring and taking advantage of these features will keep your dating experience engaging. This not only helps you stay motivated but also increases your chances of making real romantic connections.
Create a Dating Schedule
To avoid the dreaded dating app burnout, it’s absolutely necessary to allocate specific times for your online dating activities.
- Allocate Specific Times: Just like any other activity, dating should fit into your schedule without taking away from or over your life. Dedicate certain days or hours to browse profiles, send messages, or go on dates. This helps you manage your time better and ensures that dating remains a fun part of your routine rather than something you “have” to do.
- Taking Breaks When Needed: If you start feeling overwhelmed or discouraged, you should take a break. Stepping back and giving yourself some time to refuel and recharge means you can return with a fresh perspective and renewed energy. Whether it’s a week off or just a few days, breaks can prevent burnout and keep you motivated in the long run.
Mix Up Your Approach
Variety is the spice of life, and this applies to online dating as well. Trying different methods and platforms can keep things exciting and prevent the same old same old.
- Trying Different Dating Apps: Don’t limit yourself to just one app—each platform has its own unique user base and features. There are lots of good dating apps out there and by checking out different apps, you expand your pool of potential matches and increase your chances of finding someone compatible. Apps that cater to specific interests or demographics can be especially useful if you have particular preferences.
- Participating in Virtual Events: Many dating apps and websites now offer virtual events like speed dating events or live chat rooms. These events provide a fun and low-pressure way to meet new people. They also offer a break from the usual swiping routine and can lead to more genuine connections.
- Exploring Niche Dating Sites: Niche dating apps cater to specific interests or communities, whether it’s a common hobby, profession, or lifestyle. Joining a niche platform can connect you with people who share your passions, making convos that much easier from the start.
Building a Support System
No man is an island, and online dating is no exception to this rule—having a solid support system will make a world of difference in staying positive and motivated. How can you build a support network that will help you through the gamut of dating experiences? By doing the following:
Lean on Friends and Family
Your friends and family are, without a doubt, your best sources of support, and talking about your dating experiences with them will get you comfort, advice, and a different perspective than your own.
- Seeking Advice: Trusted friends and family members can offer great insights and advice based on their own dating experiences. They can help you see things from different angles and give you some solutions to any dating dilemmas you might face. Whether it’s tips on writing the perfect profile or strategies for handling awkward conversations, their advice can be incredibly helpful.
- Venting Frustrations: Dating can be frustrating, and sometimes you just need to vent. Rather than scream into the abyss, your friends and family are a safe space to express your frustrations without any fear of judgment. This helps you release negative emotions and feel understood. Sharing your dating woes with someone who cares about you makes the process feel way less isolating and more manageable.
Join Online Communities
Online communities can offer a unique form of support—they connect you with others who are going through similar experiences. These kinds of communities will provide encouragement, advice, and a sense of camaraderie.
- Dating App Communities: Some dating apps have built-in communities or forums where users can talk about and share their experiences and tips. Participating in these communities helps you feel less alone as well as providing practical advice tailored to your specific platform. Some apps even host Q&A sessions with dating experts or offer tips on maximizing your profile’s appeal.
- Social Media Groups: Platforms like Facebook and Reddit have groups dedicated to online dating. These groups range from general dating advice to specific niches, such as dating over 50 or LGBTQ+ dating. Joining these groups allows you to connect with diverse people, share your experiences, and gain support from a bigger community. The anonymity of online groups can also make it easier to talk about your true feelings and get advice without the fear of being judged.
Benefits of a Support System
Having a support system provides numerous benefits that can improve your online dating experience.
- Emotional Support: A strong support system helps you manage the emotional ups and downs of dating. Friends, family, and online communities can offer you empathy and understanding, which is comforting during difficult times.
- Increased Motivation: Sharing your goals and progress with others can keep you motivated. Encouragement from your support system can help you stay positive and persistent, even when the going gets tough.
- Shared Wisdom: Learning from the experiences of others can help you avoid common pitfalls and improve your dating strategy. Advice from those who have been through similar situations can be particularly helpful and reassuring.
- Accountability: Having people to check in with can keep you accountable to your dating goals. Whether it’s a friend reminding you to follow up on a match or an online community patting you on the back for your small victories, this accountability can keep you on track and focused.
Practical Tips for Building Your Support System
- Be Open and Honest: When seeking support, it’s important to be open and honest about your experiences and feelings. This helps your support system understand what you’re going through and offers relevant advice and encouragement.
- Stay Engaged: Regularly connect with your support system. This could look like scheduling regular catch-ups with friends, participating in online community discussions, or even just sending updates about your dating experiences. Staying engaged keeps you connected and makes sure that support is always available when you need it.
- Offer Support in Return: Support systems work both ways—it is a two-way street, so be there for your friends and family when they need support, and contribute positively to online communities. This reciprocity strengthens your relationships and creates a more supportive environment for everyone who is involved.
- Seek Professional Help if Needed: If you find that dating is causing overwhelming stress or affecting your mental health, you should get professional help. Therapists and counselors provide strategies to manage anxiety and provide support tailored to your needs.
Building a support system is really important for keeping a positive and motivated mindset in online dating. By leaning on friends and family, joining online communities, and actively engaging with your support network, you can handle both the good and the not-so-good parts of dating with more confidence and resilience. Remember, you don’t have to go through it alone—support is always there if you reach out and make connections!
Practicing Self-Care
Even if online dating is going swimmingly for you, it’s still super important to integrate self-care into your routine! Here’s how you can guarantee that you are taking care of yourself while spending time on dating apps—no matter how it’s going for you!
Regular Breaks
We’ve already said this, but it needs to be said again: taking regular breaks from dating apps is a must for your mental well-being. When you start feeling overwhelmed or burnt out, going offline for a bit will help you recharge. Use this time to focus on other aspects of your life, reduce stress, and come back with a better attitude.
Why Breaks Are Important
- Mental Refreshment: Constantly being on dating apps can equal decision fatigue and burnout. Taking breaks allows your mind to rest and rejuvenate.
- Perspective: Stepping back or away helps you gain clarity and perspective on what you actually want from the dating experience.
- Reduced Stress: Regular breaks can greatly reduce any stress associated with online dating, making the process much more enjoyable when you come back.
Healthy Lifestyle
Diet plays a pretty big part in self-care, so eating regular, well-balanced meals means good energy levels and overall health. Think whole foods like fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains. Staying hydrated is equally as important—it can improve your mood and energy levels.
Quick Tips for a Balanced Diet
- Meal Prep: Plan and prep your meals ahead of time to make sure you’re eating nutritious foods.
- Hydration: Carry a water bottle (you know you’ve been wanting to buy a Stanley) with you so you can sip and stay hydrated throughout the day.
- Mindful Eating: Pay attention to what you eat and how it makes you feel—choose the foods that give you sustained energy.
Regular Exercise
Incorporating physical activity into your routine can really lift your mood and reduce stress. Whether it’s a daily walk, hitting the gym, or joining a sports team, find an activity you like and make it a regular part of your week! And exercise releases those magical feel-good endorphins, which help you feel more positive and energetic.
Exercise Ideas
- Morning Walks: Start your day with a walk to get yourself going.
- Group Fitness Classes: Join a class like yoga, pilates, or even a dance class for a fun and social workout.
- Strength Training: Incorporate weight lifting to build up your strength and improve overall fitness.
Adequate Sleep
Sleep is your friend, and you need to get enough of it for both your mental and physical health. Aim for a solid 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night—a good night’s rest can improve your mood, cognitive function, and overall resilience, making it easier to handle the trials and tribulations of online dating.
Sleep Tips
- Consistent Schedule: Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day.
- Sleep Environment: Create a restful environment by keeping your bedroom dark, quiet, and cool.
- Relaxing Routine: Develop a pre-sleep hit-the-sack routine, like reading or taking a warm bath, to tell your body that it’s time to relax and wind down for the day.
Mindfulness and Relaxation
Mindfulness practices like meditation and yoga can help you stay grounded and reduce anxiety. These activities encourage you to be in the present moment, helping you manage stress and improve your mental clarity. Regular mindfulness practice can also increase your self-awareness and emotional regulation.
Mindfulness Practices
- Meditation: Dedicate a few minutes each day to meditate and clear your mind. You know, ohmmmm it out!
- Yoga: Integrate yoga sessions into your weekly routine to improve flexibility and reduce stress.
- Breathing Exercises: Practice deep breathing exercises to calm your mind during any stressful moments.
Explore Your Hobbies and Interests
Spending time doing the things you love is always incredibly therapeutic. Whether that is painting, reading, gardening, or any other hobby, dedicating time to your interests will give you a sense of accomplishment and joy. This not only helps in balancing your life but also makes you more interesting and fulfilled as a person!
- Creative Arts: Take up painting, drawing, or crafting to express yourself.
- Outdoor Activities: Spend time in the great outdoors to rejuvenate your mind and body.
- Learning: Take a class or workshop on a subject that interests you.
Practical Self-Care Tips
While dating apps are a tool to meet people, it’s important not to let them dominate your life. Set specific times for using dating apps and stick to them. This helps maintain a healthy balance and prevents burnout.
Screen Time Management
- Set Limits: Use app timers to limit the time you spend on dating apps each day.
- Tech-Free Time: Designate certain times of the day as tech-free zones, like during meals or before bed.
When to Get Help if Self-Care Tools Are Not Cutting It
- Persistent Stress: If stress and anxiety persist despite your any efforts to manage them.
- Emotional Support: When you need someone to talk to and provide unbiased advice.
- Coping Strategies: To learn effective coping mechanisms for dealing with dating-related stress.
Integrating self-care into your online dating routine is a must for maintaining a healthy and positive mindset. By taking regular breaks, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and practicing mindfulness and relaxation activities, you are better equipped to manage the stresses of dating. Self-care is about prioritizing your well-being so you can approach dating with the best version of yourself. Take these steps to make sure that you stay balanced, happy, and ready for whatever the dating world throws your way!
Learning from Experiences
Dating is a process filled with all kinds of different experiences, and looking back on past dates and accepting (ugh) rejection as a part of the process can help you make better choices in the future. Here’s how you can turn your dating experiences into lessons with some self-awareness and reflection.
Think About Past Dates
Taking the time to look back on your past dates can be incredibly insightful. Consider what worked and what didn’t in your previous relationships or on dates. This will help you identify patterns in your behavior and dating choices!
Identifying Patterns
- Repeated Scenarios: Look for any recurring themes in your dating history. Do you always find yourself attracted to a certain type of person who def isn’t compatible with you? Recognizing these patterns can help you make more conscious choices in the future.
- Behavioral Insights: Understand your own behaviors and reactions. Did you notice any specific behaviors that consistently led to conflicts or misunderstandings? This awareness is a guiding light for you when adjusting your approach. You might see that you tend to rush into romantic relationships too quickly without getting to know the person well enough. By recognizing this pattern, you can make a deliberate effort to slow down and take more time before committing.
Understanding and Acknowledging What Works and What Doesn’t
Each dating experience gives you feedback—some interactions will highlight positive aspects you’d like to seek out again, while others will show you what your deal-breakers are. Use this info to refine your dating criteria.
What to Look For
- Positive Traits: Identify the qualities in past romantic partners that made you feel valued and happy. These are the traits you should prioritize in all future relationships.
- Deal-Breakers: Acknowledge the behaviors or traits that caused you discomfort or dissatisfaction. This will help you avoid similar situations moving forward.
If you find that open communication is a key factor in a successful past relationship, you can prioritize this quality when meeting new people. On the other hand, if a lack of common interests was a recurring theme, you should focus on finding someone with more of the same hobbies and interests.
Accept Rejection
Rejection is a horrible but inevitable part of dating, but it doesn’t have to always be perceived as a negative experience. Instead of seeing rejection as a personal failure, you can try to see it as a chance to learn about yourself and grow from it.
Building Resilience
- Change Your Perspective: Understand that rejection is never a reflection of your worth—it just means that the particular match wasn’t right. By reframing rejection, you can build up your resilience and keep a positive outlook.
- Feedback and Growth: Use rejection as feedback. Think about what might not have worked and consider how you can improve. Maybe it’s about improving your communication skills or being more open about your interests and boundaries from the jump.
Developing a Thicker Skin
- Emotional Management: Practice managing your emotions in the face of rejection with mindfulness techniques, talking to friends, or engaging in activities that make you feel good about yourself.
- Confidence Building: Regularly remind yourself of your positive qualities and achievements. Building self-confidence can make you way less susceptible to the negative effects of rejection.
If a date didn’t go as planned, instead of dwelling on what went wrong, focus on what you learned about your dating preferences and how you can apply this knowledge to future matches and dates.
Keeping the Fun Alive
Last but not least, dating should be fun. How can you make sure the fun stays alive and kicking? By adding a few playful elements to your dating routine. Here are some ways to make dating even more fun!
Gamify Your Dating Experience
For those competitive people out there, gamifying your dating experience can change it into a fun challenge. This means setting goals for yourself and then rewarding your hard-earned efforts when you hit them!
Setting Fun Challenges
- Swipe Goals: Challenge yourself to swipe right on a set number of profiles each day. This encourages you to be more active and also increases your chances of finding a match.
- Conversation Starters: Make a list of interesting or quirky convo starters and try to use a different one with each new match. This not only makes chats more engaging but also helps you stand out from the dating pack.
- Date Night Themes: Assign themes to your dates, like trying a new fare, going to an off-the-beaten-path place, or doing any activity that you find fun.
Rewarding Yourself
- Small Rewards: Treat yourself to something small but enjoyable, like a favorite takeout meal or a new book you’ve been dying to read each time you achieve one of your dating goals.
- Bigger Rewards: Set larger goals, like going on a certain number of dates or having a set number of thoughtful conversations, and reward yourself with something bigger, like a weekend getaway or a new outfit when you hit them!
Stay Curious
Curiosity doesn’t actually kill the cat, and it keeps the whole dating process fun and exciting. By staying curious, you’ll naturally be more engaged and open to the possibilities each date brings.
Asking Interesting Questions
- Personal and Fun Questions: Go beyond the usual “What do you do?” and “Where are you from?” questions. Ask about their fav childhood memory, what superpower they wish they had, or the best meal they’ve ever eaten.
- Hobbies and Interests: Find out what they are super passionate about and ask questions related to their interests. If they love movies, ask about their favorite films or what genre they like the most. This shows genuine interest and can help build a connection.
Having Fun with the Process
- Be Playful: Approach dating with a playful attitude. Don’t take it too seriously, and be open to having fun. This means swapping funny stories, joking around, or planning fun things to do on your dates.
- Mindfulness: Be present while on your dates—enjoy the moment and focus on the then and now rather than worrying about where things might possibly lead. This will cut back on any anxiety and make the date more enjoyable for both parties.
Final Thoughts: Embrace Positivity and Stay Motivated
It can be hard to stay positive and motivated when you are dating online, but it isn’t impossible by any means! In fact, it’s completely doable with the right mindset and approach.
Here’s a quick cheat sheet for everything we covered:
Setting Realistic Expectations
- Understanding the Process: Finding the right match takes time and effort.
- Defining Success: Broaden the definition of success beyond just finding a partner; include personal growth, meeting new people, and gaining dating experience.
- Accepting Ups and Downs: Recognize that ups and downs are a natural part of the process.
Cultivating a Positive Mindset
- Focus on Self-Improvement: Use the dating experience as an opportunity for personal growth, improving communication skills, and building confidence.
- Practice Gratitude: Regularly remind yourself of the positive aspects of your life through a gratitude journal and celebrating small wins.
- Positive Affirmations: Use affirmations to boost your self-esteem and outlook.
Staying Motivated
- Set Achievable Goals: Break down the dating process into manageable steps, such as sending a certain number of messages per week or trying a new app feature.
- Create a Dating Schedule: Allocate specific times for dating activities to avoid burnout.
- Mix Up Your Approach: Try different dating apps and methods, participate in virtual events, and explore niche dating sites.
Building a Support System
- Lean on Friends and Family: Share your experiences with trusted friends and family members for advice and support.
- Join Online Communities: Participate in online forums and groups for encouragement and connection with others.
Practicing Self-Care
- Regular Breaks: Take breaks from dating apps when needed to recharge.
- Healthy Lifestyle: Maintain a balanced diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep.
- Mindfulness and Relaxation: Do things that promote mental well-being, such as meditation, yoga, and hobbies.
Learning from Experiences
- Think About Past Dates: Analyze past dating experiences to learn and grow, identify patterns, and understand what works and what doesn’t.
- Accept Rejection: View rejection as a learning opportunity rather than a setback, building resilience and developing a thicker skin.
Keeping the Fun Alive
- Gamify Your Dating Experience: Turn dating into a fun activity by setting challenges and rewarding yourself for reaching goals.
- Stay Curious: Approach each interaction with curiosity and an open mind, asking interesting questions and having fun with the process of getting to know someone.
Why is staying positive and motivated during your online dating journey so important? Because you want to find what you’re looking for! And besides that, no one likes a Debbie (or Dan) Downer, and a defeatist or “this is never doing to work” attitude is easy to pick up on by others. Keep it light and fun, and see how it can change your entire online dating experience for the better.
How do you stay positive and motivated when online dating? We’d love to hear any tips that work for you and stories of how you put them into play!
