How Movies/TV Shows Distort Our Idea of Love and Relationships

My idea of love and romantic relationships is all out of whack, and I blame the movies. And my mom, but only because she took me to see them.

See, she didn’t take me to Disney films or other age-appropriate flicks—she took me to movies she wanted to see since my dad wasn’t exactly a fan of the genre. Just to give you an idea, I saw The Deer Hunter when I was 5 years old. And no, I’m not complaining! I wasn’t into cartoons or other stuff made for kids—my mom called me “an old soul.”

But what does this have to do with love? Well, my introduction to the romance genre was Gone With the Wind. If you’ve seen it, you know it’s not exactly a blueprint for healthy romantic relationships—in fact, with hindsight, it’s incredibly toxic. Scarlett is obsessed with Ashley, who is married to her sister, and then she kinda settles for Rhett while still pining for her sister’s husband.

That whole unrequited love thing? Yeah, it stuck with me, as did all the other depictions of love I watched on the big and small screens. It completely twisted my idea of what love was “supposed” to be, at least according to Hollywood. And when I was finally old enough to have my own romances, none of them lived up to the cinematic fantasy I’d been fed—and that was disappointing, sometimes even heartbreaking.

And I know I’m not alone in this. Movies and TV shows have been shaping our ideas about love and relationships for a long time, and let’s be honest—it doesn’t do us any favors. Don’t get me wrong—I don’t really blame the movies or my mom, and I’d rather watch a great film than do just about anything else. But I also know that it’s permanently messed with my perception of love.

Without movies and TV shows, the world would be a pretty dull place. They’re a fun escape, a way to be transported to another world. And that’s the point, right? To take us away. But while we’re busy living vicariously through the characters on screen, these stories are also planting super unrealistic expectations about love and relationships in our heads.

The Power of Media

The media is a 24/7 almighty machine, much like the wizard in The Wizard of Oz. But unlike the movie, when the curtain is pulled back, there isn’t just a small man pretending to be powerful—the media actually has that kind of influence.

Influence of Media

The impact of movies and TV shows on how we view love and relationships is undeniable. These stories don’t just entertain us—they subtly (or not at all subtly) shape our expectations, norms, and beliefs about romance. When we constantly see certain narratives being played out on screen, they seep into our consciousness, influencing how we think love should look, feel, and even unfold IRL.

These are just two examples that illustrate the pervasive influence of the media on our collective understanding of love. If we listed them all, we’d be here until next year! The Notebook gives us an idealized version of romance, where love is perfect and all-consuming, and You shows the dangers of romanticizing unhealthy obsession (and some murder). Both narratives, in their own ways, contribute to the skewed perceptions of what love should be, affecting how we approach our own relationships and what we expect from our partners.

Movies and TV shows are perfect for escapism, but they do tend to distort our ideas of romance if we take them too seriously. It’s important to remember that real-life love is messy, imperfect, and takes a lot of effort—qualities that don’t always make for the most binge-worthy storylines but are a must for lasting romantic relationships.

Common Tropes in Movies/TV Shows

Movies and TV shows are chock full of recurring themes and tropes that keep us glued to the screen, eating up the characters and their love lives. But these tropes, as entertaining as they are, paint a warped picture of what love and relationships are actually like. They simplify, exaggerate, and dramatize, making us forget that real life is much more nuanced and complicated. Let’s break down some of the most common tropes and see how they influence our views of romance!

Love at First Sight

The idea that two people can lock eyes across a crowded room and instantly fall in love is a staple of romantic storytelling. It’s exciting and dramatic—a shorthand for the kind of instant, all-consuming connection we all want to exist. But this trope oversimplifies the reality of forming a relationship. In real life, love takes time—it is built on gradually.

The notion of love at first sight, ignores the complexities involved in understanding another person and creates the expectation that a relationship should start with fireworks rather than a slow burn. This can set people up for disappointment when their own love stories don’t begin with a cinematic bang!

Love Triangles

Another fav in the world of romantic storytelling is the love triangle—a scenario where a character is torn between two potential partners. These films are full of drama, tension, and the inevitable heartbreak that comes from making a choice. But love triangles, while great for plot twists, distort our view of love and relationships. They suggest that being desired by multiple people is not only common but also desirable, feeding into the fantasy of being the center of someone’s world.

In My Best Friend’s Wedding, Julia Roberts’ character, Julianne, realizes she’s in love with her best friend, Michael, just as he’s about to marry someone else. The entire movie is centered around Julianne trying to sabotage the wedding so she can have Michael for herself. And we were all rooting for Julianne even though her actions to break up the happy couple are gross and would not be okay with any of us IRL. Michael has to make a choice: should he stay with his perfectly lovely fiancée, or should he choose his best friend?

Have You Ever Been in a Love Triangle?

If you have, you know how messy it is, and it’s not at all glamorous. The emotional toll of being in such a spot isn’t just about the dramatic choice; it’s about the guilt, the hurt, and the potential fallout from relationships that could be destroyed in the process. My Best Friend’s Wedding ends with a bittersweet conclusion that doesn’t fully get into any long-term emotional impacts, leaving viewers with an “oh, everything turns out OK” and no fallout or collateral damage. That’s not how it would play out IRL.

The Perfect Partner

Movies and TV shows love to flaunt the “perfect” partner—the one who ticks all emotional, physical, and intellectual boxes and is gorgeous to boot. This character is attentive, attractive, smart, funny, and totally devoted. While it’s nice to fantasize about such a partner, this portrayal is far from realistic. In the real world, no one person can be everything for someone else. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and expecting perfection from a partner is begging for a breakup. Relationships all require compromise, understanding, and acceptance of each other’s imperfections. The “perfect partner” trope sets up an impossible standard that real people just can’t meet.

A prime example is Edward, the character in Twilight. Setting aside that he’s a vampire, Edward is not only impossibly handsome but also reads minds, plays the piano like a virtuoso, and is fiercely protective of Bella. He embodies the fantasy of a partner who is flawless and utterly devoted.

But this kind of portrayal is damaging because it creates a false expectation that someone out there can fulfill every need and desire. Real relationships are about finding someone who compliments you, not completes you, and knowing that no one is perfect (and vampires, even ones that glitter, don’t exist).

Romanticizing Unrequited Love

Unrequited love is a theme that hits home with most viewers, perhaps because it taps into the universal experience of longing for something—or someone—we can’t have. In literature and film, unrequited love is usually portrayed as noble, tragic, and even beautiful. Take Eponine in Les Misérables, who pines for Marius even though he’s in love with Cosette (team Eponine 4ever). Her love is pure and selfless, and she’s willing to sacrifice her own happiness for his. While this makes for a powerful narrative, it also romanticizes the idea of loving someone who doesn’t love you back.

In real life, unrequited love is not only painful but possibly damaging, especially if it prevents someone from moving on and finding reciprocal love. This trope tends to encourage the idea that it’s better to hold onto a hopeless love than to look for a relationship where affection is returned.

Grand Gestures

The over-the-top, grand romantic gesture is a constant in romantic movies and TV shows—whether it’s holding up a boombox outside someone’s window, running through an airport to stop someone from getting on a plane, or orchestrating an elaborate proposal. These moments are fun to watch and make for great cinema, but they also place way too much emphasis on the big, showy displays of affection.

In reality, relationships are built on everyday acts of love and support—the small things that don’t get a standing ovation but are necessary to sustain a healthy, loving relationship. The focus on grand gestures may make people overlook the importance of consistency, kindness, and patience, which are the real building blocks of love.

In Say Anything, John Cusack’s character Lloyd Dobbler famously stands outside his love interest’s window with a boombox, blasting Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” in a bid to win her back.

This moment is iconic, symbolizing the power of a grand gesture to sweep someone off their feet. But in reality, relationships thrive not on grand gestures but on the daily, unglamorous acts of care and commitment. While it’s romantic to think that one big, bold move can solve everything, it’s the quieter, consistent actions that make a relationship work.

Affairs

Affairs are another common trope in both literature and film, portrayed as dangerous, sexy, and exciting. Movies like Unfaithful and Anna Karenina show affairs as passionate escapes from the monotony of everyday life, filled with intense emotions and forbidden pleasures. But this portrayal sidesteps the real pain and destruction that affairs cause. In reality, infidelity shatters trust, breaks families apart, and leaves deep emotional scars. By romanticizing affairs, these stories trivialize the harm they cause and suggest that they’re more about passion than betrayal. This may distort perceptions of fidelity and commitment, making affairs seem like an exciting option rather than a devastating breach of trust.

• In Unfaithful, the affair between Diane Lane’s character and her lover is portrayed as being dangerous and exciting—it’s the thrill of the forbidden and ignoring the consequences to come.
• Similarly, in Anna Karenina, Anna’s affair is shown as a passionate, tragic love story, but it also is her downfall.

These narratives might make viewers associate infidelity with love, intense emotions, and drama, overshadowing or ignoring the betrayal, guilt, and heartbreak that come with it.

Intimacy

The first R-rated “love” story I saw was 9 and ½ Weeks. No, my mom did NOT take me to see it in the theater, but we had HBO, and I was allowed to watch pretty much anything I wanted, as my mom had set a precedent that nothing was too mature or adult for my eyes or brain—that wasn’t fully formed.

Needless to say, this film is recognized as a graphic depiction of a toxic relationship between Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke, and there was a lot of sex. And it wasn’t tame, like in most R-rated movies in the late 80s. You can compare it to the 50 Shades of Grey films, although those are almost vanilla in comparison.

This movie shaped my idea of intimacy, and not in a good way—I expected my sex life to be like it was in the movie. Hot, spontaneous, taboo, and hoo boy was the reality akin to being thrown in an ice bath. Sex is very rarely like it is in the movies, and if I had a Time Machine, I’d travel back and tell a 13-year-old me to watch something else—literally anything else besides 9 and ½ Weeks.

Star Crossed Lovers

The trope of star-crossed lovers has been a cornerstone of romantic storytelling for centuries, portraying a love that, despite its intensity, faces insurmountable challenges. These stories hook us because they explore a connection that is strong yet constantly thwarted by circumstances beyond the lovers’ control. Atonement, one of my all-time favorite movies (and books), captures this tragic romantic ideal in a way that’s far from the typical happy endings we’re used to in rom-coms.

Atonement isn’t your standard love story, where everything falls into place by the end. Instead, it’s a narrative filled with tragedy and misunderstanding, where the love between Cecilia and Robbie is marred by a young girl’s false accusations and the brutal realities of war. Their love is real and intense, but it’s also fragile, constantly at the mercy of forces beyond their control. What makes Atonement so powerful is how it explores love that endures great suffering yet is never fully realized. The story illustrates how one moment of misunderstanding can ripple through the characters’ lives, forever changing their destinies. Cecilia and Robbie’s love haunts the narrative because it’s a love that could have been, but circumstances denied them the chance to experience it fully.

This narrative forces us to confront the harsh truth that love isn’t always enough to overcome life’s obstacles. Unlike many romantic films that show love conquering all, Atonement presents a more sobering reality: sometimes, love is powerless against fate. It’s a love story that leaves you with a lingering sense of what might have been, which is perhaps why it strikes such a chord with those who experience it. In the broader medium of romantic storytelling, star-crossed lovers remind us of love’s vulnerability. Whether it’s Romeo and Juliet, separated by family feuds, or Jack and Rose in Titanic, divided by class and the forces of nature, these stories stress that love does not always win.

Despite the suffering, stories like Atonement are undeniably love stories. They capture the idea that love is worth it even when it’s doomed. It’s the kind of love that stays with the characters—and the audience—long after the final page is turned or the credits roll. This type of love isn’t about happy endings, but about the profound influence, love can have on our lives, even when it’s not meant to be.

Unrealistic Expectations

The romantic ideals portrayed in movies and TV shows usually paint a pretty picture of relationships that are based more on the fantasy side rather than in reality. These depictions obviously influence how we see love, molding expectations that are far removed from the truth. Whether it’s the idea of instant chemistry, the quick and tidy resolution of conflicts, or the dream of “happily ever after,” these narratives create a framework that doesn’t always match up with the complexities of real relationships.

Instant Chemistry

That moment when two characters meet and feel an immediate, overwhelming connection? That’s one of the most recurring themes in the romance genre. This portrayal suggests that true love is something that happens at first sight, without any effort or time—an unattainable standard for what relationships should feel like in their early stages. In reality, relationships usually develop gradually as two people get to know each other and build a connection over time. The idea that instant chemistry is a requirement for a relationship could turn into disappointment when real-life interactions don’t deliver a fire that burns hot.

Please Note:

We aren’t saying that instant chemistry isn’t a thing—it absolutely is! It just happens less often than movies and TV shows would have you believe. Real relationships are about discovering each other slowly and expecting an instant connection, which might mean you are dismissing possible partners who don’t immediately ignite that feeling, missing out on relationships that could turn into the real thing down the road!

Conflict Resolution

In some romantic stories, conflicts between characters are shown as super intense and dramatic, yet they are resolved almost instantaneously, usually with a single grand gesture or a heartfelt apology. This portrayal makes it seem like resolving disagreements is a simple, one-time occurrence. But in real life, conflicts are way more complicated and require open dialogue and compromise.

Actual conflict resolution involves the understanding of different perspectives, working through difficult emotions, and sometimes making hard compromises. The way the media streamlines this process may create the expectation that all relationship problems should be resolved in one quick and easy take.

The Impact on Real Relationships

The romanticized portrayals of love and relationships in movies and TV shows do more than just keep us watching; they also influence our expectations and perceptions of what relationships should be, and these idealized depictions can create unrealistic standards that impact how we view our own relationships, setting the stage for disappointment and unrealistic comparisons.

Disappointment and Disillusionment

When the perfect romances portrayed on screen are taken as a model for real life, it’s easy to become disillusioned when reality doesn’t match up! The idea that love should be easy-peasy, with conflicts resolving almost by themselves and passion remaining hot and heavy, creates expectations that are hard—if not impossible—to meet. When real-life relationships involve challenges, misunderstandings, or periods of less intense connection, it can be disappointing—especially if someone is measuring their relationship against the cinematic ideal.

The expectation that love should be perpetually fulfilling without struggle ignores the fact that all relationships require effort, patience, and communication to flourish. When reality fails to mirror the stories we’ve been told, it may breed a feeling of failure or dissatisfaction, even when the relationship is perfectly healthy.

What Real Love Looks Like

When you cut through all of the dramatics and over-the-top scenarios that movies and TV shows love to dish out (and we devour them), real love shines through in its raw, honest form—beautiful, messy, and grounded in the everyday. Unlike the Hollywood versions, real love isn’t about the big gestures or epic declarations. It’s about the small, meaningful moments that happen every single day. It’s the stuff that rarely makes it to the big screen but makes all the difference in real life!

Everyday Romance

Real romance is found in the little things that couples do for each other. Yes, movies show the big, sweeping gestures—like running through midtown Manhattan and stopping to look in every taxi so you can stop your love from leaving—but real-life love is more about the day-to-day acts of care and attention. It’s the kind of love that shows up in

• Making coffee just the way your partner likes it
• Leaving a cute note for them
• Taking the time to ask about their day and actively listening to the answer

These small gestures might not seem like much on their own, but they add up to something much more important. They’re the Krazy Glue that holds a relationship together, showing that you’re thinking about each other and that you care. It’s these everyday acts of love that build a solid foundation, one that can withstand the ups and downs of life. While they might not be as flashy as a big romantic surprise, they’re far more meaningful because they’re real and they’re consistent.

Healthy Conflict Resolution

Look, every couple argues. But unlike the quick fixes we see on screen, where one big apology or a dramatic kiss solves everything, real conflict resolution takes work. And it isn’t about who wins the argument; it’s about understanding where the other person is coming from and finding a way to move forward together.

In a healthy relationship, conflicts aren’t just swept under the rug. Instead, they’re faced head-on, with both people willing to talk things through, even when it’s uncomfortable. Both sides will be heard out, and there will be a resolution that works for both of you. It’s not easy, and it doesn’t happen in the 30 minute span of a TV ep, but it’s worth it because it builds trust and strengthens the bond between you.

The truth is, arguing doesn’t mean your relationship is in trouble! In fact, it can be a sign of a strong relationship if you handle it right. By dealing with conflicts in a healthy, respectful way, you reinforce your connection and show that you’re in it for the long haul.

Building a Lasting Relationship

Real love isn’t something you happen upon and then coast on forever. It’s something you work at every single day. A lasting relationship isn’t just the initial chemistry or the anniversaries—it’s about the daily work you both put in to keep your love going strong and healthy. It means showing up, day after day, and making the relationship a priority.

• Communication is a huge part of making a relationship last, and no, this doesn’t mean just talking; you have to really listen to each other, understand each other’s needs, and be open about your own. It means having some tough conversations, expressing what you want and need, and being there to hear what your partner is saying, too!
• Effort is the other main ingredient in the lasting relationship recipe. This doesn’t mean you have to go out of your way with extravagant gestures all the time, but it does mean putting in the work to keep the relationship happy. It’s the little things, like showing appreciation, being supportive, and making sure you spend quality time together. These are the things that keep the connection strong, even when life gets nuts.
• And we can’t leave out compromise—no two people are exactly alike, so differences are going to come up. Compromise isn’t just one person always giving in; it means finding a middle ground where both of you feel good (or are at least okay with) the outcome. It’s this give-and-take that keeps things balanced and helps your relationship get even stronger over time.

Real love might not look like it does in the movies, but it can be so much better! It’s built on those little, everyday moments, being handled with care when conflicts happen and rounded out by the effort and compromise you both bring to the table. That’s what makes a relationship last—not the big, dramatic gestures (although those are not unwelcome), but the quiet, steady work of loving each other through all of life’s day-to-day challenges.

How to Balance Media Consumption

Movies and TV shows are a big part of most of our lives, and we say “most” because we all know that one person who brags that they don’t own a TV. Yawn! They’re fun, they’re entertaining, and they can make us think and feel emotions we normally don’t tap into. But as we’ve said, what we see on the screen isn’t always a factual reflection of real life, especially when it comes to love and relationships. That’s why finding a balance between enjoying the stories and keeping our expectations grounded in reality takes a little bit of critical thinking and some good old-fashioned common sense!

Critical Viewing

One of the best ways to keep our media consumption in check is by watching movies and TV shows with a more critical eye. Now, that doesn’t mean we have to stop enjoying the drama, the romance, or the action that draws us in. It just means we need to remember that what we’re watching is fiction—made to entertain us, not to give us a blueprint for our own lives.

Think about those whirlwind romances or the instant chemistry that characters always seem to have on screen. It’s exciting to watch, but it’s not exactly how things tend to play out in real life. Real relationships usually take time to develop, and not every first date is going to feel like a scene out of a movie. By keeping this in mind, we can enjoy the story for what it is—a story—without letting it set us up for disappointment in our own romantic lives.

It also helps to question what we’re watching! If a movie resolves a major conflict with one deed or an easy fix, we should be asking ourselves how realistic that is. Real-life problems usually take more time and effort to work through. When we think critically about these things, we can keep those unrealistic standards from messing with our own emotions and expectations.

And talking about what we watch with friends or partners can be really helpful, too! When we open up about how certain scenes made us feel or discuss whether the characters’ actions match our values, we begin to see the media’s influence much more clearly. This kind of thought is super helpful in separating the fantasy of the screen from the facts of our own romantic relationships.

Media Literacy

Another way to balance your media consumption is to up your media literacy—don’t be scared, it’s just a bougie way of saying we should get better at understanding and analyzing the content we consume. When we develop these skills, we can see through the facade of TV and movies and understand what’s actually going on behind the scenes.

• Part of media literacy is knowing that everything we watch is created by a team of writers, directors, and producers who bring their own perspectives to the table. These perspectives shape the stories we see, sometimes in ways that aren’t immediately obvious. When we’re aware of this, we can start to question whether what’s being shown on screen is a realistic portrayal or just an exaggerated version of reality.
• A lot of what we watch is also designed to sell us something—a product, a lifestyle, or even an idea. When we realize this, we can start to see why certain themes or characters are portrayed in particular ways and avoid comparing our real lives to these polished, commercialized versions—there’s an agenda.

Teaching ourselves and the younger generations about media literacy can go a long way in preventing the impact of unrealistic portrayals. If we are equipped with the tools to evaluate what we’re watching critically, we’re less likely to buy into unrealistic standards and more likely to enjoy the content without letting it mess with our view of reality.

You don’t need a degree to get better at media literacy—it’s not hard to do! Next time you watch a show or a movie, try asking yourself why a certain story was told the way it was or how the portrayal differs from real life. Over time, these habits will help you negotiate the media landscape with a lucid and much more discerning mind.

Balancing what we watch with what’s real doesn’t mean we have to stop watching our favorite shows or movies. Just view them with a level head! If you watch critically and sharpen your media literacy, there is no reason you can’t keep loving your beloved stories without letting them warp your expectations of what love, relationships, and life should be.

Reclaiming Realistic Relationship Expectations

Who doesn’t love getting lost in a good movie or binge-watching a TV show? Not me! They carry us away to worlds where no matter what kind of love story it is—love at first sight, all-consuming, star-crossed, unrequited, and everything in between—it’s epic. But when the credits roll, and we return to our own lives, it’s worth remembering that what we see on the screen is just one version of a story—a version that’s super polished, edited, and usually far from reality.

Next time you catch yourself wishing your relationship was more like Noah and Allie’s in The Notebook, hit the pause button and really think about it: Are those wishes based in reality, or are they based on a fantasy that no real relationship could ever measure up to? Real love isn’t just a bunch of perfect moments that are tied up in a big red bow in 90-plus minutes. Real love is grounded in the day-to-day, the small acts of kindness, and the perfectly imperfect person you share your life with.

Have you ever found yourself comparing your love life to what you see on screen? Were you aware you were doing so? Or maybe you’ve always known what real love looks like and weren’t influenced by the media? Either way, we’d love to hear what you think (unless you aren’t on team Eponine; you can keep that info to yourself).