You always hear that “less is more,” right? Yes, that’s true when you’re talking about decluttering your closet a la Marie Kondo or using wasabi with your sushi.
But when it relates to dating, that kind of thinking is probably doing more harm than good. If you’ve ever found yourself lying awake at 3 a.m. in a cold sweat, worried that the dating pool is shrinking, you could be caught in a scarcity mindset.
When you’re in this frame of mind, you are operating from a place of fear—fear of being alone, fear of missing out (FOMO), fear that you’re not good enough. You are worried that your dating options are getting fewer and farther in between and that they might even run out.
If it feels like you’re always settling for less than you deserve or chasing after people who aren’t right for you in your love life, the scarcity mindset could be messing with your mind and actually sabotaging you in the relationship department.
But do not panic, you can beat this! We are going to unpack the concept of a scarcity mindset in dating, how it holds you back, and some practical ways to do an about-face toward a different mindset—one of abundance.
Understanding the Scarcity Mindset in Dating
Holding onto the belief that there are only a finite number of good partners out there can actually cause more harm than we realize. This belief, which is known as a scarcity mindset, doesn’t just make you anxious—it affects your attitude about relationships, the decisions you make, and ultimately, how satisfied you feel in your love life.
When you’re caught up in this way of thinking, it isn’t hard to settle for less than you deserve, hang on to relationships that aren’t good for you, or even give up on finding love altogether.
What is a Scarcity Mindset?
As we said above, a scarcity mindset in dating is the conviction that your chances of finding a good partner are not good. You might start to think that if you don’t lock down a relationship now, you’ll end up alone.
This mindset doesn’t just revolve around a lack of opportunities; it’s also the fear that you won’t find what you’re looking for, no matter how hard you try. This fear can cause anxiety and desperation, and it could make you more likely to settle for relationships that aren’t happy or stay in situations that don’t serve you.
You can compare it to being in a desert, where you are desperately searching for an oasis. If you think that there’s only one water source out there, you’ll likely hold on to any mirage you see, even if it’s not the real thing.
You might tell yourself, “This is as good as it gets,” and settle for something that in no way satiates you because you’re convinced there’s nothing better out there. This kind of thinking can keep you stuck in unfulfilling relationships or push you into chasing after people who aren’t right for you!
Common Signs of Scarcity Mindset in Dating
So how can you tell if a scarcity mindset is oozing into your dating life? There are a few red flags that might indicate you’re operating from this perspective:
Settling for Less Than You Want or Deserve
You might stay in a romantic relationship that doesn’t meet your needs because you’re afraid of being alone. This is one of the most common signs of a scarcity mindset. You might be telling yourself, “Well, at least I’m not single,” or “This is better than nothing,” even though in your bones, you know you’re not really happy.
Feeling Anxious When Someone Doesn’t Reply Immediately
If you get anxious or upset when someone doesn’t text or message back instantly, it could be because you’re worried they’re your only chance at love. This type of anxiety can make you feel like every missed message is a missed opportunity, which only adds to the pressure that you’re already dealing with.
Clinging to Toxic or Unhealthy Relationships
Staying in a relationship that’s harmful or draining because you’re afraid you won’t find anything better is another major sign. This could mean you are putting up with mistreatment, neglect, or even abuse because the thought of being single seems even worse than your current situation (it’s not).
Comparing Yourself to Others and Believing They Have More Options
If you constantly compare your love life to others and believe they have it better, you might be caught in a scarcity mindset. This can cause feelings of envy and inadequacy, which in turn only reinforce the belief that your options are limited.
How the Scarcity Mindset Holds You Back
Reasoning that your chances of finding a good partner are scant can and does set you up for a cycle of disappointment and frustration. A scarcity mindset doesn’t just affect how you think about dating; it molds your entire approach, from who you choose to date to how you behave in relationships. If fear and anxiety are driving your decisions, it can stop you from finding the kind of fulfilling relationship you really want!
Self-Sabotage
When you’re in the grip of fear that you might miss out on a relationship, it’s normal to start making decisions that work against you. The fear of missing out (FOMO) can make you go after relationships with people who aren’t compatible.
You could chase after someone who doesn’t share your values or treat you well—all because you’re worried that this is your only or last chance at love. And when you are in this state of mind, it’s super common to overlook red flags or lower your standards, as you are convincing yourself that something is better than nothing.
This type of self-sabotage is really sneaky—it can come across like you’re just being realistic, proactive or open-minded, but in reality, you’re compromising on what actually matters to you.
When you ignore red flags or settle for less than you deserve, you reinforce the idea that you don’t have that many options. This, in turn, keeps you stuck in a cycle of unfulfilling relationships.
Desperation Energy
Operating from a place of scarcity can also make you come across as desperate or needy, which is usually a major turn-off to potential romantic partners. When you believe that good matches are few and far between, you might hold tight to anyone who shows you interest.
Desperation can manifest in different ways, like being overly eager to respond to dating app messages or texts, constantly seeking validation, or pushing the relationship forward too fast.
Not only is this energy unattractive; it can also create a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more desperate you seem, the more likely it is that potential partners will pull away. Instead of building a connection based on common interest and respect, you might end up making them bolt because they feel overwhelmed or pressured by your neediness.
Attracting the Wrong People
When you’re mired in a scarcity mindset, you’re way more likely to end up with people who don’t have the same values or goals.
This happens because your primary focus is on securing a relationship instead of on finding a partner who is truly compatible with you. You might ignore big differences in lifestyle, priorities, or values, and all because you’re scared of being alone.
An approach like this can cause long-term dissatisfaction—over time, the differences between you and your partner will create tension and conflict, making the relationship more of a burden than a happy one.
And people who are drawn to desperation or low self-esteem usually aren’t the kind of partners who will contribute positively to your life. They tend to take advantage of your neediness or fail to respect you, and this means it is an imbalanced relationship that reinforces your scarcity mindset.
Limiting Beliefs
The scarcity mindset is fueled by limiting beliefs—those nagging thoughts that there are “no good people left” or that you “have to settle” if you want to be in a relationship. This kind of thinking doesn’t just shape your outlook and approach to dating; they also block you from seeing the possibilities that exist.
When you believe that all the good people are taken, you won’t even bother trying to meet new people. You’ll skip or decline social events or avoid dating apps altogether, utterly convinced that there’s nothing and no one out there for you. This attitude completely shuts you off from potential opportunities, making it even harder to find someone who is a good match.
On the other hand, the belief that you have to settle can result in a life that’s filled with regret and unhappiness. You may stay in a relationship that doesn’t fulfill you because you’re afraid it’s the best you can do. This belief keeps you stuck, as it is preventing you from exploring new possibilities or holding out for a relationship that really meets your wants and needs.
Shifting to an Abundance Mindset
Your viewpoint on dating can and does play a huge part in shaping your experiences and the outcomes of them! When you set about dating with a scarcity mindset, it manifests as anxiety, pressure, and settling for less than you deserve.
Changing it to an abundance mindset, however, opens up a world of possibilities, and will help you negotiate your relationships with more confidence, patience, and self-assurance.
What is an Abundance Mindset in Dating?
Simply put, an abundance mindset in dating is the opposite of a scarcity mindset. It means that you know that there are lots of potential romantic partners out there who could be a great fit for you!
You are aware and understand that you don’t need to settle for the first person who shows interest in you; on the contrary, you are able to take your time to find someone who is compatible and who you click with.
This perspective does NOT mean you are being picky or unrealistic; it means that you know your worth and are confident that the right connection will come along when the time is right.
When you embrace this mindset, you start to have fun with the dating process! Every interaction is a chance to learn more about yourself and what you want in a partner, and not a high-pressure situation where you’re trying to make something work out because you are scared of ending up alone.
You can stay calm, cool, and collected—there’s no rush and you have plenty of time to find someone who you mesh with.
Benefits of an Abundance Mindset in Dating
The shift to an abundance mindset comes with so many benefits that can not only improve your dating life but your overall well-being, like the following:
Attracting Partners Who Line Up with Your Values
When you let go of the fear that your options are limited, you naturally become more selective about who you date. Again, this selectiveness isn’t about being too critical; it’s about making sure that the people you invest your time in are actually aligned with your core values and long-term goals. It helps you avoid relationships that feel forced or unfulfilling so you can connect with people who have a similar vision for the future.
Boosting Confidence and Empowerment
An abundance mindset builds a strong sense of self-worth. You begin to realize that you bring a lot to the equation, and this realization makes you way less likely to settle for relationships that don’t meet your needs. And confidence is incredibly attractive to others and empowers you to set healthy boundaries. When you know there is plenty of fish in the sea, you’re more likely to walk away from situations that aren’t serving you because you are secure in the knowledge that better opportunities are out there waiting for you.
Making Thoughtful Decisions
With an abundance mindset, you aren’t likely to barrel into a relationship just because you are afraid of being alone. No, you take the time to evaluate whether a potential partner actually adds to your life. It’s an outlook that means you will make more thoughtful, deliberate choices, which are likely to result in a satisfying and lasting relationship. By concentrating on what really matters to you, you create the conditions for a partnership that betters your life and doesn’t complicate it.
Reducing Stress and Anxiety
One of the best benefits of adopting an abundance mindset is that it decreases the stress and anxiety that are related to dating. When you believe that good opportunities are abundant, you don’t feel that same pressure to make every interaction count or to force something that is not there. A relaxed tack not only makes dating more fun but also helps you stay true to who you are, as you’re not constantly trying to mold yourself into what you think others want.
Increasing Overall Happiness and Fulfillment
People who adopt an abundance mindset often find that they are happier and more fulfilled in their relationships. This is because they aren’t settling for less than they deserve, and they aren’t stuck in relationships that drain their energy or make them feel less than. Instead, they are building connections that genuinely add value to their lives, which, in turn, makes them feel happy and content.
Cultivating Gratitude and Optimism
An abundance mindset naturally encourages a more positive and grateful outlook on life. When you concentrate on the possibilities and potential in your dating life, you’re able to appreciate the good things you already have, which creates a positive feedback loop. This gratitude and optimism make you more resilient in the face of challenges, whether they’re related to dating or any other areas of your life.
5 Practical Tips to Overcome Scarcity Mindset in Dating
When that fear of scarcity creeps into your dating life, it can cause you to make choices that are driven by anxiety instead of what you really deserve—a real, compatible connection. If you’ve ever caught yourself compromising on your needs or feeling pressured to settle for less, it’s high time to rethink your approach. Below are some practical strategies to help you go from a mindset rooted in scarcity to one that welcomes abundance, which will help you make better choices in your love life!
Focus on Self-Improvement
A powerful way to move away from a scarcity mindset is to invest in yourself. Dedicate your time to personal growth—you can do this through hobbies, fitness, career advancement, or other forms of self-improvement. You’ll improve your sense of self-worth tenfold, which doesn’t just give you a confidence booster; it also makes you more attractive to those who appreciate growth and self-awareness.
Doing the things and activities that fulfill you builds your confidence and builds up your self-image. As you grow and evolve, you’ll naturally attract partners who appreciate you and have the same kind of commitment to working toward being a better human being!
Develop a Full, Balanced Life
Creating a life that is full and balanced outside of dating is non-negotiable. When your happiness doesn’t rely solely on your relationship status, you’re not going to feel desperate or anxious about finding a romantic partner.
Pursue interests and activities that bring you happiness, whether that’s spending time with friends, doing creative projects, or giving back to your community. Basically, do whatever makes you feel good!
Cultivating a strong support network is also really important! When you are surrounded by friends and family who uplift and support you, you don’t feel as much pressure to fill a void or look for validation through romantic relationships.
Your network can give you priceless perspectives on your dating experiences—they can also talk you down from doing anything that doesn’t fall into the abundance mindset so you make better decisions when it pertains to your love life.
Change Your Inner Dialogue
The thoughts you hold about yourself and your dating prospects influence your behavior. If you catch your inner voice saying negative things about your chances of finding a romantic partner, tell that little voice to shut it—challenge these thoughts.
Limiting beliefs like “there’s absolutely no one out there for me” can trap you in a cycle of negativity, and it’ll be harder to recognize the opportunities around you.
To counteract your negative inner voice when it starts blabbing, you can incorporate positive affirmations into your daily routine.
Begin each day with statements like, “I am deserving of love and connection,” or “I attract healthy, fulfilling relationships.” Eventually, the affirmations will help change your mindset, and you’ll start to see possibilities where you once only saw limitations.
Another approach is to reframe your thinking by challenging the belief that you need to settle to be in a relationship. Remind yourself that you deserve to wait for someone who is perfect for you and makes your life better.
A shift in perspective could be all it takes for a healthier and more optimistic outlook on dating.
Set Clear Boundaries and Standards
Understanding what you really want in your other half and setting clear boundaries is a must for having a healthy dating life. When you’re clear about your values and what you’re looking for in a relationship, it becomes so much easier to know when a situation isn’t right for you.
Start by listing your non-negotiables—qualities and behaviors that are a necessity for your happiness in a relationship. Adhering to these standards means that you are in no way compromising your needs out of the fear of being alone.
It’s also important to recognize warning signs early on. If a potential partner disrespects your boundaries or doesn’t have the same values, have the strength to walk away. Trust that upholding your standards will lead you to a relationship that does support your well-being.
Practice Gratitude
Gratitude is a very powerful tool for changing your mindset from scarcity to abundance. By concentrating on the positive aspects of your dating life, you can actually train your mind to see opportunities and not obstacles.
A really good practice is to keep a gratitude journal, where you regularly note down things you’re thankful for, whether they relate to dating or other areas of your life.
Thinking about the positive experiences you’ve had, like good conversations or personal growth, can help you keep a positive outlook, even when dating isn’t turning out as you hoped.
Another way to cultivate gratitude is by acknowledging the abundance of potential partners and experiences that are available to you. Remind yourself that each interaction, regardless of the outcome, is an opportunity that will bring you closer to finding the exact right match.
Conclusion
Dating can be a real head-scratcher, especially when you’re stuck in a loop of thinking that good matches are hard to find. But you can change things!
By taking a different tack, you open up a whole new world of possibilities and create stronger, better, romantic connections.
Going from a scarcity mindset—where fear and settling are the norm—to an abundance mindset lets you see dating for what it can really be: a fun and exciting way to find a person who actually fits into your life and not one who you’re trying to make fit. In other words, stop trying to make a square box fit into a circle.
Need a rewind of all this info? Look below for a recap of all things scarcity mindset!
Let’s Recap
- Scarcity Mindset in Dating: Believing there are limited good partners can make you anxious, lead to settling for less, and result in unfulfilling relationships.
- Understanding Scarcity Mindset: This mindset is driven by the fear that you’ll miss out on a relationship, leading to desperation and poor decision-making.
Common Signs
- Settling for relationships that don’t meet your needs.
- Anxiety over delayed responses from potential partners.
- Staying in toxic relationships out of fear of being alone.
- Constantly comparing your love life to others and feeling inadequate.
How It Holds You Back
- Causes self-sabotage by pushing you to chase unsuitable partners.
- Desperation makes you appear needy, which can repel potential partners.
- Attracts the wrong people who don’t have your values.
- Limiting beliefs prevent you from seeing better opportunities.
Shifting to an Abundance Mindset
- It stresses the belief that there are lots of potential partners out there.
- Encourages taking your time to find someone who matches up with your values.
- Helps you enjoy the dating process more, and there is less pressure to settle.
Benefits of an Abundance Mindset
- Attracts partners who share your values.
- Boosts confidence and self-worth, empowering you to set healthy boundaries.
- This leads to thoughtful decision-making, reducing stress and anxiety.
- Increases overall happiness and fulfillment in your relationships.
- Cultivates a positive and grateful outlook on life, making you more resilient.
Practical Tips to Overcome Scarcity Mindset
- Focus on Self-Improvement: Invest in personal growth through hobbies, fitness, and career advancement.
- Develop a Balanced Life: Find fulfillment in activities outside of dating and build a strong social support network.
- Change Your Inner Dialogue: Challenge limiting beliefs and use positive affirmations to shift your mindset.
- Set Clear Boundaries and Standards: Identify your non-negotiables and walk away from relationships that don’t meet your standards.
- Practice Gratitude: Focus on the positives in your dating journey and keep a gratitude journal to maintain a positive outlook.
Take a beat to think about how you’ve been approaching your dating life.
Have you been letting fear and doubt run your search?
Are you ready to kick that mindset to the curb and be open to the idea that there’s plenty of love and connection out there?
Get rid of those tired, limiting thoughts and embrace this one: “There’s more than enough love to go around.”
You deserve to find a romantic partner who complements your life, not completes it, and you can start by believing in the abundance of love and all of the opportunities that are available to you!
Go forth and conquer the scarcity mindset—your person is out there waiting for you.
FAQs on Scarcity Mindset in Dating
Still have questions? We have answers! Read on for a few of the most common questions we’ve gotten from our readers.
How Do I Know if I Have a Scarcity Mindset in Dating?
If you usually feel anxious about your dating prospects, constantly worry that you’ll never find the right partner, or find yourself settling for relationships that don’t make you happy, you might be suffering from a scarcity mindset. A few other indications can look like feeling desperate to lock down a relationship, clinging to unhealthy connections because you are scared of being alone, constantly comparing your dating life to others, and, of course, the FOMO.
How Quickly Can You Shift from a Scarcity Mindset to One of Abundance?
Look, it won’t happen overnight (we wish it was that easy) but it is possible to start changing your mindset relatively quickly by altering your thought patterns and behaviors. But to fully transition from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset will take time and consistent effort. You can start by saying your positive affirmations, challenging any limiting beliefs you have, and doing things that further your self-improvement. Gradually, as these new habits take root, you’ll find yourself thinking and acting from a place of abundance without having to try!
How Can I Maintain an Abundance Mindset if I Keep Getting Rejected?
Rejection sucks, full stop. But you have to keep in mind that it happens to everyone and is all part of the dating process. To hold onto an abundance mindset, you should remind yourself that rejection is never a reflection of your own worth—it just means that it wasn’t right. Stay focused on your self-worth, practice gratitude for the positives you have in your life, and try to see each experience as something you can learn from. Surround yourself with supportive friends and do things that reinforce your sense of fulfillment outside of dating. All of these things will help with your resilience and keep your mindset focused on the big picture.
What Are Some Practical Steps to Overcome a Scarcity Mindset in Dating?
You can start by investing in self-improvement! Do the hobbies you love, focus on your career, and work on your personal growth. Building a balanced life that brings you happiness outside of dating also does wonders. Challenge those negative beliefs you have about your dating prospects, and use the positive affirmations we talked about to reframe your frame of mind. You can also set clear boundaries and standards for what you want in a relationship, and practice gratitude to refocus from what you think is lacking to the things you are thankful for.
How Can I Tell If Someone Else Has a Scarcity Mindset in Dating?
Oooh, twinsies! For real though, someone with a scarcity mindset could exhibit things like rushing into relationships, settling for partners who don’t treat them well, or constantly expressing their fears about being alone. They could also seem super anxious or even desperate in their approach to dating, and might cling to relationships that are obviously not working. If you notice these signs in a romantic partner or someone you’ve met on a dating app, it is definitely a good idea to talk about your concerns in a kind way. You can even encourage them to switch from their current mindset to, you guessed it, one of abundance!
