My earliest memories of what a modern woman was came from a commercial in the ‘80s. Yes, I know I’m dating myself. But this TV ad left a mark. If the lyrics “I can bring home the bacon/ Fry it up in a pan/ And never, ever let you forget you’re a man/ ‘Cause I’m a woooooman” ring a bell in your brain; you know exactly what I’m referring to.
The Enjoli commercial is, and probably always will be, the benchmark for commercials aimed at empowering women. If you aren’t familiar, Enjoli is a perfume, and the woman throatily singing the jingle can be compared to Beverly D’Angelo singing ‘Big Spender’ in National Lampoon’s European Vacation.
What the Enjoli perfume ad was implying was that the modern woman can broker million-dollar deals by day and still whip up an IG picture-worthy dinner by 6 pm for her adoring man. How does she do it all?
But let’s talk about the elephant wearing an elegant white silk blouse, black pencil skirt, and the 3-inch black patent leather heels in the room, shall we?
Why is balancing a career and a love life seen as such a Sisyphean task for women, but for men, it’s just a regular ol’ Wednesday?
Get out of your stiff work clothes and into your comfy ones because we’re belly-flopping into this anomaly with no grace or subtlety.
Why Is This a ‘Women’s Problem?’
Men have been having their cake and eating it too since, well, the first cake was baked—a successful man is without a doubt deemed to be more attractive; his achievements add to his appeal in the romance department.
But a successful woman, however, often finds herself on a shaky tightrope without a safety net below, balancing societal expectations, biological clocks, and, of course, a swarm of double standards.
The Myth of “Having It All”
Let’s junk the phrase “having it all” once and for all, please. Women are begging you—it’s outdated, for one, and secondly, it’s frankly insulting.
When was the last time you asked a man how they are balancing their roles as fathers, husbands, and professionals?
You’ve never asked that, correct?
And why do you think that is? Because it’s automatically assumed they can—or TBH, it’s not seen as their problem to solve.
The Not-So-Fun High-Wire Walk
Welcome to the Cirque du Soleil of life dilemmas, where women are expected to walk across a high wire without a balancing weighted pole over canyons of expectations, all while juggling bowling pins of judgment.
Oh, and did we mention you’re supposed to do this in Jimmy Choo stilettos?
The best example of this can be summed up by the Ann Richards quote about a famous dancing duo: “Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backward and in high heels.”
Yes, career-driven women face a unique set of challenges when it comes to maintaining a romantic relationship. Let’s switch out our rose-tinted glasses for some a sensible pair of readers and take a gander at these challenges women face.
Intimidation Station
Ever notice how a woman’s success can make her romantic prospects more complicated?
A high-powered career often comes with the ‘Intimidating’ label, as if being good at your job is some sort of romantic relationship repellent.
The Biological Clock Ticker
While men can extend their bachelorhood into their 50s and still be viewed as eligible (and viable), women face societal pressure tied to their clicking biological clocks. As if setting professional goals should always go hand-in-glove with family planning.
The Guilt Trip
Then there’s the always apparent burden of emotional labor and guilt for “neglecting” familial responsibilities. Because heaven forbid a woman to prioritize her own professional goals and ambitions without being classified as a cold-hearted, career-driven ice Queen who is destined to die alone with her 11 cats.
The Time Crunch
Time is a resource, and when you’re slaying in the boardroom, your romantic life might be on life support.
- Challenge: How do you keep the romance alive when you’re up to your elbows in deadlines and responsibilities?
Stereotype City
Even in 2023, stereotypes about what a woman “should be” remain, casting judgment on those who dare to stand up to or outright defy the “norm.”
- Challenge: Facing undue criticism or bias in both professional and personal settings for not fitting into traditional molds.
Who says you need to be saved by a Prince Charming when you don’t need saving?
For every challenge, there’s a solution that doesn’t involve giving up your hard-earned Queen crown or the keys to your hard-fought kingdom.
Re-defining Relationship Goals
Who says a power couple can’t both wear pantsuits? Look for a romantic partner who isn’t threatened by your success but appreciates it and values your accomplishments.
Open and Honest Communication
Ladies, keep those communication lines open like you’re coordinating a love connection—make sure your potential partner knows your career ambitions and constraints and is fully on board with them and you.
Self-Care Is NOT Selfish
You can’t drink from an empty cup! Self-care is so important, not just for your emotional well-being but also for having a happy and healthy relationship. So go ahead and book that spa weekend with all the amenities—mani/pedi, massage, and mud bath included.
Secure Your Support System
No one is their own island—and women need to have a strong support network to ease the stress and make that high-wire balancing act less death-defying and a bit more like a runway walk.
Time Management
This is not just for your work projects but also for your love life. Make the most of digital calendars (you have one right there on your phone) to schedule “us time” just like you would a business meeting or a dental appointment.
- Solution: Prioritize your romantic relationship as you would any important project at your workplace.
Call Out The Stereotypes
Take the bull by the horns and wrestle those stereotypes head-on. Whether it’s in the office or at home, defend your right to define your own roles.
- Solution: Open discussions with your romantic partner and workplace about breaking down traditional norms.
Develop ‘Me-Time’ Rituals
In between the boardroom deals and, hopefully, domestic bliss, carve out some ‘Me Time’ to refresh and reset your internal emotional hard drive.
- Solution: Regularly engage in activities that help you relax and reconnect with yourself, making you a better partner and professional.
Takeaways: Smash Those Ceilings, Ladies!
The juggling act society expects from women when it comes to balancing a career and romance is ridiculous—being a “modern woman” is not about performing a perfectly choreographed dance between the office and the home. It’s about setting your own personal rhythm and finding someone who can keep up—or, better yet, help you be a better dancer. It is possible to conquer both the boardroom and the boudoir and to do it in your own way. Because the only person who should define what ‘having it all’ means is you.
