We all know about red flags—we are taught to be on high alert for them when we’re on dating apps (especially women). But are we so caught up in looking for the bad that we ignore the good?
We’re talking about green flags! Green means “go,” and in online dating, go is a good sign. Because it can sometimes feel like you’re wandering around an abstract art gallery where a few pieces make you go, “What IS that?” and then one or two click the second you lay eyes on them. That’s online dating in a nutshell.
In this analogy, the red flags are the splatters of paint that alarm you (like a Jackson Pollock painting), but the green flags? They’re the deliberate and careful brushstrokes, a balanced composition, and the little details that make you pause and think, “This one’s worth a closer look.” Like a Monet. Get it now? Ok, enough with the metaphors—let’s get into the subtler signs that can tell you what could be fleeting and what could be forever!
Communication Green Flags
First up is communication green flags! What are they? These are the things that turn two strangers on a dating app into potential romantic partners. When communication is built in a thoughtful manner, it builds trust, curiosity, and common understanding.
Consistent and Respectful Communication
A green flag is when someone treats your time like it’s a rare first-edition book—carefully, intentionally, and with genuine interest. This person doesn’t leave you guessing with sporadic replies or vague plans. No, they communicate proactively: “I’m pretty busy today, but can we pick this up tomorrow? I don’t want to feel rushed or like I’m not totally present.” Their messages are steady, not sporadic, and they follow through on their promises without making excuses.
Balanced Convos
Another important green flag is someone who treats dialogue like a give-and-take. They don’t monologue about their job for six paragraphs or reply with “nice” to your story. Instead of doing that, they ask thoughtful questions about what you said and match your energy. And if you share a vulnerable detail, they respond with empathy, not judgment.
They Use Clear and Respectful Language
This person doesn’t use ambiguous phrases (“Let’s hang sometime”) and instead uses them with intentionality (“Are you free to meet up this weekend?”). They don’t use passive-aggressive language (“Guess you’re just too busy to reply, huh”) or backhanded compliments or negging (“You’re smart and pretty for someone your age”). They communicate with kindness and clarity, even when you have a disagreement.
Genuine Interest in Getting to Know You
If someone asks you, “What’s a hobby that makes you lose track of time?” instead of “What do you do for fun?” That’s a green flag!
This person won’t use the same tired chit-chat and will want to get into the specifics about your values, quirks, and what you love. Maybe they took notice of your mention of gardening and asked, “What’s the coolest plant you’ve ever seen or grown?” or clock your love of sci-fi and ask, “If you could live in any fictional universe, where would you go?”
Active listening is also a green flag—it’s not just regular listening; it’s hearing and acknowledging what you’ve said.
Here’s what active listening looks like:
- They reference your past chats: “Last week you mentioned your little sister’s talent show—how did it go?”
- They don’t interrupt: Even if they’re excited to share something, they let you finish your thoughts before they respond. They aren’t just waiting for you to finish so they can go.
- They validate your experiences: “That sounds like it was exhausting. Are you holding up okay?”
Healthy and Honest Transparency
Being transparent is super important—honesty is everything in a romantic relationship, and a green flag is someone who states what their intentions are openly and clearly.
They say things like, “I’m here for real and meaningful connections” or “For now, I just want something casual,” which means you don’t have to guess. And they won’t be evasive or dodge any questions about their lifestyle, values, or past. They’ll answer your questions in a direct and thoughtful way, like an open door and not a fortress with guard dogs.
Behavioral Green Flags
Actions have always been the unspoken language of character. Why? Because they show someone’s priorities, integrity, and how they act when they think that no one’s watching.
Consistency Between Words and Actions
Words can be polished, but behavior very rarely lies. Green flags here aren’t huge gestures—they’re consistent, respectful, and show that they have a willingness to grow. All of these traits signal someone who’s not just interested in a romantic relationship—they’re actually equipped for one.
A green flag is when someone treats your plans like they’re a promise, not just a placeholder. If they say they are going to call you on Thursday, Thursday arrives, and your phone rings—no last-minute cancellations, no ghosting, no excuses. Their interest isn’t performative; it’s a stable commitment to showing up!
Respects Your Boundaries and Comfort Level
This person will hear you when you say, “I’m really not comfortable sharing that right now,” and respect that—they don’t push. They’ll respond with, “I understand and I’ll be here if and when you’re ready.” They don’t pry for personal details, pressure you into meeting up before you’re ready to, or punish you with silence for setting boundaries. They will make sure that you’re comfortable, and that goes a long way in creating the space so that trust can grow organically!
Positive and Growth-Oriented Mindset
Green flags are also when people are able to think back on their past without totally rewriting history. They might say, “I’ve done the work and learned to approach disagreements with a lot more patience,” or “I’m working on being more present in my romantic relationships.” And their social media isn’t them trying to be perfect—it’s a combo of achievements, hobbies, and maybe an occasional post about their failed attempts at trying to make a soufflé without it sinking in on itself.
Profile and Online Presence Green Flags
A dating app profile shouldn’t be a sales pitch—it should be a quick snapshot of someone’s humanity. The best ones? They actually invite connection, not solely admiration. Filters and facades reign supreme, which means that being genuine can be considered almost radical. Green flags here aren’t who has the wittiest bio or the most glamorous photos. They’re the profiles that feel real—imperfect and specific, and that give a sense of a person’s true self.
Authentic and Thoughtful Profile
A profile that has promising green flags is one that gives off warmth—it’s not too polished. Photos show them mid-laugh, doing something they love to do, or snuggling with their BFF furry friend. Their bio doesn’t have the regular clichés like “I love the beach” and will be specific: “I’m starting to get into bird watching” or “I’ve read every single Agatha Christie novel.”
Engages in Respectful and Kind Interactions Online
If you take a scroll through their social media and you see thoughtful interactions, like supportive comments on a friend’s post, no mean-spirited comments or public shaming, and zero passive-aggressive subtweets about dating frustrations, that’s another green flag They always engage with empathy, whether they’re discussing serious topics or debating the merits of crunchy vs. smooth peanut butter (crunchy is gross, btw and don’t even get me started on the natural peanut butter and it’s oily consistency).
Shares Similar Core Values and Relationship Goals
Alignment on core principles—like how you handle conflict when it happens, your views on family, or your overall approach to honesty—builds a foundation that is far sturdier than any common hobbies will. Their profile will probably hint at this with phrases like, “I’m looking for someone who values honest and open communication” or “Sunday mornings are for volunteering at the dog shelter.”
Conclusion
Now we know that green flags should be given the same amount of attention as the red ones! And they aren’t hiding—maybe you just haven’t been looking, but they are there just waiting to be noticed. They’re the soft confidence of someone who communicates clearly, acts with integrity, and embraces their humanity without making any apologies for it. And when you focus on these markers, you’ll be able to change your online dating from a guessing game into a much more deliberate search for a real romantic connection!
A successful romantic relationship isn’t when you find someone that you deem to be perfect. No, it’s when you find that person who respects your boundaries, has the same values, and makes you feel safe and at ease. The right person? They’ll love you for who you are, not just who you present as on a dating app!
The next time that you’re swiping or scrolling, slow your roll and ask yourself these things: Does this person’s profile feel like it’s genuine? Do their actions match up with their words? If the answer’s yes, hit that “like” button or swipe right! And if not? Keep on going. Because the right match won’t just check all of your dating boxes—they’ll check off ones that you didn’t even know existed!
