This is one of those heartbreaking articles to write because plenty of women out there know their man isn’t ready to be in a committed relationship, but they still stick around, thinking one day he’ll change.
He may be this charming, sweet guy you’re ready for all your family and friends to meet, but every time you suggest it, he dodges the conversation like his life depends on it.
He’s obviously not ready for a relationship, and you have no idea why. Even if he throws you a bone here and there, a relationship likely won’t happen. Unfortunately, he won’t commit, and you’ll have wasted months and possibly years believing the opposite.
Some guys can be challenging to understand. Because they behave so indifferently, you doubt their intentions, and rightfully so.
They can make you feel like you’re on top of the world, but when it comes to taking your relationship to the next level, they pump the brakes.
So ladies, if you’re dating a guy you’re totally in love with, here are 12 signs that scream, “Sorry, hun, he’s not ready for a long-term commitment!“
1. He Won’t Commit
It doesn’t get any clearer than this, but some women keep coming back for second and third helpings of rejection pie.
Other women try to force a guy to commit after only a few dates. Talk about chasing a guy away! Sorry, but it doesn’t work like that, no matter how much you wish it would—and most times, that’s for a good reason.
We’ll go out on a few dates with Mr. Wonderful, and because we want him all to ourselves, we try to rope him up before anyone else snags him before us.
However, suppose you’ve been dating for months and are completely into each other. In that case, it’s only natural that you’d want to give your relationship a title instead of floundering around and introducing him as “my bed buddy.”
But suppose he’s unwilling to commit after several months of serious dating. In that case, it’s apparent that he’s not interested in dating seriously, so it’s clear he has no intention of getting into a committed relationship with you.
2. He Says One Thing, but His Actions Differ
We’ve all met that carrot dangler. His choice of “carrot” is usually something you enjoy, like taking you out to dinner, performing a sexual act you love in bed, or an actual carat in the form of a diamond (but definitely not a ring.)
He’s the type of guy who will entice you with promises of eternal love by dangling that carrot in front of you to keep you from talking about your relationship.
But the dead giveaway with these duds is that his actions never reinforce his words. Unless his definition of eternal love is “see you when I feel like it but don’t bother me otherwise,” he’s not living up to his promises.
This isn’t to say he doesn’t love you, but whether or not he wants to be in a committed relationship with you is an entirely different story.
He will assure you of something but never follow through because he knows all he needs to do is dangle another carrot under your nose. When he does that, he puts off the relationship conversation for another month.
3. He Gets Angry Talking about Your Relationship
Every time you bring up the R-word and your future together, he quickly changes the topic or gets pissed off and accuses you of trying to spoil the mood.
If you bring up the conversation about your cousin’s wedding, if he even thinks the topic will lead to talking about where your relationship is headed, he will cut off that conversation quicker than you can say, “I do,” or in his case, “I don’t!”
He hates this topic because it always leads to the same discussion with the same result. You ask why he doesn’t want to commit, and he’ll tell you again that he’s not ready. You’ll sulk, he’ll be angry, and voilà! Just like that, your evening is ruined.
Sadly, you may need about five or six more times doing this same song and dance before you realize that no, ma’am, he’s not committing to you, and there’s nothing more to see here.
4. You’re Nowhere in His Future Plans
You’re dating an ambitious guy with big dreams of doing something positive with his life. He’s looking to achieve greatness—but just not with you.
He’ll tell you about the boat he wants to buy, the job he wants to secure, and even where he plans to buy a house, but he has yet to mention you anywhere in these scenarios.
He may even tell you everything he plans to do in the future, but not once does he mention you when he does. At this point, screw being in his future. You’ll be lucky if you make it to that concert next month.
5. You? His Priority? No Way!
You may cancel your entire afternoon schedule and shuffle around dinner plans to spend some time with him, but would he do the same for you? Maybe, but only because he has nothing better to do, and you’re paying, right?
For a guy who isn’t interested in committing to you, everything else comes first and is his top priority. If there’s no immediate benefit to him, he’s not interested.
For example, he’s out of food and money, so if you’re offering to take him to lunch, he’ll definitely show up. To him, you’re more like something to do if he needs you, has the time, or is bored.
6. He Has No Interest in Knowing Who You Really Are
At the beginning of your relationship, he asked you a million questions to get to know much more about you. But as time passed, your relationship became more about him, his family, his job, and so on.
He used to ask about your day and text you at least twice throughout the day to say “hey.” But that no longer happens.
When you talk about what’s going on in your life and with your family, he’s not interested. When he does text you, it’s to ask you something, or there’s another agenda behind it, like reminding you to pick up his dry cleaning. And forget those cute afternoon “hey” texts because he is not interested.
People change over time. The person you were ten, or even five, years ago isn’t the same person you are today. This is why communication is essential in a relationship.
As your partner is evolving, so are you. To stay on the same page, you need to check in with each other and discuss your new hobbies or interests. He doesn’t care and doesn’t want to waste energy pretending to be interested when he’s no longer invested in the relationship.
7. He Rarely Spends Time with You
He may have a job where he’s always busy, which is good that he’s doing well in his career. However, he’s not with you whenever he has some free time. In fact, most times, you have to hunt him down. You may not know where he is, but you know one thing: he’s not with you.
He never willingly offers his whereabouts. Instead, he only grudgingly tells you when you’ve asked repeatedly, and even then, you’re wondering if he’s telling the truth.
You find out things like last night he was at the bar around the corner from your place, but he never bothered to ask if you’d like to join him. Instead, he’ll give excuses like “it was a last minute thing,” or “I didn’t think you’d want to come.”
8. He Never Apologizes after an Argument
Couples are going to argue. That’s a fact. But after every argument, you are always the first to make up. It doesn’t matter who was at fault; you are always the bigger person and come to him first.
Even when he clearly did something wrong (comes home late and didn’t call), you try to stand firm, but he apparently didn’t get the memo because he still won’t come to you and apologize.
Even when you pull him aside first to discuss it—not necessarily to apologize—he may or may not admit his error.
Here’s the thing; he does this because, regarding your relationship, he can take it or leave it. He’s not that serious about it or you, so his thinking is, why go through the headache of admitting his mistake?
9. You Get the BS Compliments
When a man is in love, he notices even the smallest change in his lady’s appearance and compliments it. For example, he’s committed to you if you change your hair color, and he says he loves how the new darker shade brings out your eyes-a specific compliment.
On the other hand, a bullshit compliment is a general compliment you have to prod from him all the time. For instance, in the hair color example above, you’ll have to ask him what he thinks. He may glance at it (or sometimes not even look up from his video game) and say something like “it looks great” or “looking good.”
This means he’s saying it to keep you happy, which keeps him happy because now you won’t complain. But in actuality, he doesn’t mean it.
10. He Doesn’t Know Anything about You
Sure, he doesn’t ask what’s going on in your life, but he doesn’t even remember the stuff you already told him.
For example, you may have told him a story about how your mom’s dog gets out of the gate every evening, and he still comments about her “cat.” Does the cat still hate baths? Or something else totally unrelated.
And that’s only the minor things. It’s even worse when he doesn’t remember things like your birthday or your favorite holiday, even though you’ve told him a gazillion times that Christmas is your favorite holiday because you’ve always loved the snow.
Whatever you say goes in one ear and straight out the other without even making a quick pitstop to the brain. Again, this is because he has no interest in being in a relationship with you, so anything you say isn’t important to him.
11. He Keeps a Lot of Secrets
Of course, a guy would want to keep his infidelity a secret. We’re not talking about that. We’re referring to his phone constantly buzzing.
You hear him excitedly thanking people as they call one after another. After several requests, he eventually tells you he got a new promotion at his job that has been in the works for six months. There are two problems here:
- You never even knew he was going for a promotion
- Even when he got it, it seemed he was hesitant to tell you
He had his eye on a promotion for AN ENTIRE SIX MONTHS without mentioning it to you once. As a girlfriend, you could have offered support and encouragement, but he didn’t tell you because he didn’t want (or need) that from you.
If he has started keeping important information from you, it’s an obvious sign that he’s not interested in developing a serious relationship.
12. You Haven’t Met His Friends
When a guy is positive about his woman, he will introduce her to his family and friends. It’s possible he sees you as only a passing affair and not someone he intends to spend the rest of his life with, or at the very least, the next few months. If you haven’t met his people, it means the jury’s still out on whether or not you’re The One.
Additionally, if you run into his friends by accident and are lucky enough to get introduced, you’re his “friend” or “special friend,” but you’re never his girlfriend.
13. He Keeps in Touch with His Ex
When a guy is still hanging around with his ex, they’ll always admit that they parted amicably and are still friends. This is because you might see a call or a picture of them together on social media at a group event.
But you also see him chatting with her all the time. They talk to each other on the phone more than exes should, and they even tag each other on social media. Shit, he hasn’t even tagged you once!
He doesn’t bother to hide it from you because, remember above, he covered his ass by telling you they were still friends. He also doesn’t conceal his “friendship” with his ex because he doesn’t care that it hurts you to see him still hanging out with her.
14. He Tells You He’s Not Ready
You have given him all the space and time he’s requested to decide if you’re what he wants, but he will still need more time to determine if you’re The One.
You try to be nice and even put up with his “indecisiveness” about committing to you, but even that’s not enough. It will never be enough since he was never ready for a commitment in the first place.
15. You’re Intuition Tells You He Isn’t into It
Most times, you already know when a guy isn’t feeling you. He doesn’t have to say it directly because his actions tell you everything you need to know. It’s sometimes difficult to accept, so we keep telling ourselves that he’ll change.
You’ll know when you stop chasing him and listen closely to your gut. That’s the precise moment you should stop expecting anything long-term from him and move on.
16. What to Do When He’s Not Ready for a Long-Term Commitment
You probably already know why he won’t get into a long-term commitment with you. But at this point, does it matter? Regardless of his excuses, your heart’s still broken. When you feel the sting of his rejection, here are some steps you can take.
Talk to Him
You may be afraid to discuss it again, but you either do it now or be strung along until who knows when? Look for a time when he’s in a good mood and share how you feel.
Calmly tell him how you’re feeling and why you feel this way. Don’t assume anything. You need to know if your relationship has a future or not.
Move On
If nothing else works, packing your bags and walking away is the best thing to do, especially for your mental health.
You don’t need to sneak off in the middle of the night. Tell him exactly why you’re leaving. Maybe he had no clue you felt this way and will offer to adjust your relationship.
Then again, maybe he won’t protest. This is how you know you’re making the best decision for yourself because he was never interested in a commitment with you. If that’s the case, be thankful you ended the relationship sooner rather than later.
Be Forgiving of Yourself and Him
Not all relationships work out. You may be bitter in the beginning, and that’s OK. Just don’t hold on to those feelings of resentment.
Instead, let it go. Be grateful for the experience because it taught you a lot, specifically what you will and won’t put up with next time. Now, you’re free to move on and find your true soulmate.
Accept the Reality of the Situation
Of course, you’ll miss the good times you spent together, making it hard to accept your present situation.
However, see things for how they are right now, and even though it feels like the end of the world, that feeling is only temporary. Take time for yourself and figure out what it means to be single. Go out and date a lot of guys and have some fun. You deserve it!
