What does finding a strong romantic connection with someone who shares your Christian views and beliefs take? Meeting people who attend church in your community or online are great solutions to discovering Christian romance. But beyond connecting based on a shared faith, we feel several other factors are worth mentioning: love, faith, and fellowship.
What qualifies me to say anything about Christian romance in the first place? As someone who believes in Christ and has been married for close to ten years, I’ve learned a thing or two about love and romance with a Christian partner. I don’t have all the answers, and I learn something new every day in my relationship with my wife, but I’d love to share some of my experiences and the knowledge I’ve gained in navigating Christian romance.
Love
Many people consider love synonymous with romance, so it’s no surprise that this is one of the main cornerstones of meaningful Christian relationships. But what Scripture says about love suggests it goes far beyond your raw attraction for your spouse, making love, or physical intimacy.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says,
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
You know these words. Haven’t you heard them all your life? How often have you attended a wedding, and this “Love Chapter” is quoted by the pastor or officiant? For crying out loud, I used that passage to open my section on love. It’s a testament to the all-encompassing effect of love to break down barriers, build confidence and trust, and create harmony within the relationship.
What is it about love aside from romantic feelings or affection for your partner that contributes toward a tremendous Christian marriage? It’s key to stabilizing your relationship and creating harmony with your husband or wife.
We find this in many passages of Scripture, including Colossians 3:14, which says
“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”
I cannot tell you how often I’ve been in a situation with my spouse where I’ve had the choice to “be right” or extend understanding and compassion. I wish I could say I chose the latter every time (yeah, right!), but I can be stubborn. However, the times that God has given me the strength and capacity to be loving to my wife have always resulted in a more harmonious outcome. My wife and I are naturally drawn closer to one another when we choose love over keeping score.
I’m constantly reminded of my call as a husband in Scripture: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). It’s a lot easier read from the Bible than done, believe me! Laying down your life doesn’t sound all that fun or appealing. But one of the reasons love is so essential in a Christian marriage is that it allows you to show Christ to your spouse. As we become more like Him, others see Him in us.
1 Corinthians 16:14 says,
“Let all that you do be done in love.”
Although we’re talking specifically about Christian romance and relationships, believers are called to love the Lord and other people. A good, healthy romantic connection with your spouse shouldn’t be the end goal for Christian believers. What ultimately matters is knowing and experiencing God’s perfect, unconditional love for us, a love that never falls short. And we’re called to love other people to lead them to Christ.
Faith
The Lord invented marriage, and He loves it. He desires that your marriage is one marked by abundance. And I’m not talking about the prosperity Gospel, “name it and claim it” kind of faith you see with a lot of questionable figures on Christian TV networks. What I’m referring to is contentment and thankfulness.
You may or may not have a lot of material possessions, wealth, or success according to the world’s standards, but you’re grateful for where you are in life and where the Lord has brought you. Much of this mindset centers on faith in God and witnessing His faithfulness firsthand.
What does finding contentment based on faith look like? It could be thankfulness for being in a warm house on a cold day. It could be enjoying a quiet moment and having a revelation of who God is and how He is with you through life’s every step. It might be savoring your favorite food. It could look like having a moment with your kids or your spouse where you’re entirely invested and present in the current moment. Showing gratefulness for the small blessings and seeing where the Lord is faithful can help grow your faith.
Hebrews 11:1 says,
“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”
Faith is built over time as you see God working in your personal life or in your spouse’s life. Your faith is built up through spending time with God, getting to know His Word, and life experiences. As your confidence grows, you can become bolder in your prayer life and more expectant of God moving in your life and your marriage.
Matthew 21:21-22 says,
“And Jesus answered them, “Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen. And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”
Suppose you and your spouse are both pursuing a relationship with Christ and getting to know the character of God on a daily basis. In that case, you’re growing in faith in Him as a team and learning how to face the challenges of this life without being rattled or overcome with worry. If both of you know who your God is, the ups and downs of this world are easier to manage because you know His promises and have seen examples of His faithfulness in your life firsthand.
Fellowship
The Bible stresses not being unequally yoked with unbelievers. And one of the keys to a good, romantic connection with your marriage partner or significant other is being on the same page regarding your faith.
2 Corinthians 6:14 says,
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
Scripture refers to an old farming technique where you want two oxen of equal strength and skill to plow a field. If one ox is significantly weaker or stronger than the other, the team works less efficiently, and plowing the field becomes a more laborious task than it needs to be.
Christians should only date and marry those who have also accepted Christ. Two people who don’t see eye to eye on faith have two different views of the world. They aren’t operating using the same principles, so the chance of instability in the relationship is relatively high given enough time. A common belief that Jesus is the Lord and Savior can bind a husband and wife to one another, creating fellowship and an unspeakable connection that only two believers can genuinely understand.
1 John 1:7 says,
“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.”
Believers know what a sacrifice Christ’s death was and how it perfectly displays love to the world. A husband and wife who follow Christ can connect deeply because they know what perfect love looks like in the form of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross.
Closing Thoughts
The most important takeaway here is to pursue relationships with men or women who know Christ as their personal Savior and prioritize serving and following Him. If you can get this part of dating correct, you’ve won half the battle already. You can often do that by looking in the right places such as at church or on Christian dating apps.
But love and faith are significant factors, too, so it’s important to do all things in love and build your faith with your spouse or significant other where you experience the Lord’s faithfulness and promises together.
